by Melissa Grabarkewitz

Created on: April 14, 2009

My mother-in-law was dying from pancreatic cancer. The family took turns staying with her around the clock in the last weeks of her life. She wanted to be at home so we planned to each take shifts so she wouldn't be alone. One night she fell into a deep sleep. It was my shift and I got worried and tried to wake her. After some gentle but persistent prodding she woke with a start. She looked at me and asked with tears in her eyes, "Why did you wake me up?" She told me she was almost there. When I asked her where, she told me she was at her funeral procession. She was wearing a beautiful, white gown and she was being carried by her family. They were heading toward a church that was emitting a brilliant, white light. As they got closer to the church she noticed her deceased husband above the church looking at her with arms outstretched. She never had felt such joy before. She was happy and content and ready to be with him. She started to cry. She turned to me and said again, "I was almost there." Now I understood. The next day she slipped into a coma and within 24 hours she was gone. My sister-in-law, her daughter, was with her when she died. It was March 1st and a very windy night and my sister-in-law said a gust of wind opened the screen door and blew through the house. When she got up to close the door she looked at her mom and noticed her mom had a smile on her face. She walked over to her and realized she was gone. It was a very cathartic experience. It was as if she was taken at that moment and she was ready to go. The next day as we all gathered at the house waiting for the coroner and grief counselors, we talked about our experiences and realized she was where she wanted to be. It was comforting to know that the precise moment of death wasn't terrifying, painful or morbid but calm, happy and peaceful. We all took comfort and came to the ultimate realization. This was her last gift to us. She let us know that it was alright. She was alright. We would be alright. That was 17 years ago. I will always remember how long because my daughter was born two months later. It brought even more meaning to the joyous birth. Even though I knew my mother-in-law wouldn't get to meet her granddaughter somehow I was comforted in seeing new life come into the world and it put everything into perspective. Life is dynamic never static. It really does go on.

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