by K. Russell

Created on: April 14, 2009   Last Updated: June 17, 2010

Children have neither the experience nor the intellectual ability to have a say in family decisions. That is not to say that they should be banned from the discussion. However, children need to learn from an early age that there are authorities more powerful than they and that personal wants must take second place to necessities.

Decision making is a learned skill. No one is born with it. Parents must take control and responsibility when making family decisions of any importance. Certainly, children can be included in trivial decisions, at first. As they become older and more aware of realistic limitations and the family situation, they can be included in more decision-making discussions. Ultimately, however, it is the parents who must make the decisions.

Children can surely benefit from observing and listening to the decision-making process. How else will they learn to do it for themselves? At the same time, parents are the ones who are aware of all of the factors in a decision and some of those factors do not need to be aired in front of children who may take them out of context or needlessly worry themselves over something they cannot change.

Too many parents cater to their child's whims and demands, creating a little monster that will grow up to be an unbearable and relentless tyrant. The occasional "no" is exactly what they need to experience in order to learn that they do not get everything they desire simply because they want something. Allowing children to hear the appropriate aspects of a family decision will give them the tools they will need for themselves when it is time for them to make choices.

Parents can help their child learn good decision-making skills by pointing out faulty reasoning, insufficient information and unrealistic expectations. Family decisions are generally too important to leave in the hands of children. Introducing children to decision-making tools such as budgets, schedules, time demands and other responsibilities will help them to develop realistic decision-making skills as they grow older.

For children to learn how to become good decision-makers, they must be allowed to suffer the consequences of their bad decisions. Generally, it is too risky to use family decisions for these life lessons. Setting criteria and limitations of the child's decisions will help prevent catastrophe and will create a positive and productive learning experience.

Children do not have the perspective necessary to make responsible decisions for the family. They must be given the tools and the opportunity to learn from their mistakes in order for them to develop into good decision-makers. As they grow older and wiser, their input can be solicited within family decision-making conversations.

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