by Docsynic

Created on: April 13, 2009   Last Updated: April 14, 2009

Most people will inevitably experience some degree of hurt at the end of a relationship, regardless of the circumstances, especially when they were not the ones to instigate the break up.

There is no amount of coddling, excusing, explaining, lying, bribing, tears, or 'I'm sorry's' that can keep a person from not experiencing a basic human emotion. Rejection never feels good. You can't sugar coat the truth and expect that someone will not be hurt.

1. "It's not you. It's me,' is an explanation often used. What exactly does this mean? By placing the blame on oneself, one might hope to keep the other from taking a rejection personally. But whether it is you or the other person, the end result is the same. It IS a rejection. And it IS personal. Most people consider this a cop out. Some might even feel insulted to hear it. It would be best to explain WHY it is 'you' as opposed to the other person.

2. "I'm not ready for a serious relationship", is also common. And though I feel that this is a valid reason, what a the dumpee is actually hearing is, "I don't like you enough to stop dating other people".

3. "I'm too busy with work to concentrate on a relationship". This is similar to example two. But the rejection may not be taken as harsh. I would rather lose someone to work, than to another person. There is value in hard work. And it is respectable to want to be a productive human being. Within the context of work, a human is fulfilled in ways that no other 'human' could fulfill. But then again, what we might be hearing is, "My work is more important that you".

4. "I have a toxic personality, and it would be unfair of me to pursue a relationship with anyone because I would only hurt them". This one isn't so bad. I can respect a person who acknowledges their short-comings and toxicity. Some people are truly toxic, and are more painful to have relationships with, than to live without. However, a dumpee may hear, "You are not important enough for me to change my toxic ways."

5. "You are too young/old". This isn't the worst thing to hear. Though many people can have a legitimate, healthy, happy, and satisfying relationship with another who is much older or younger, often times it doesn't work out.

It is difficult to find ways to spare peoples feelings when you don't want a relationship to continue. But if you don't end a relationship that you cannot keep your heart in, you will end up hurting that person more in the end. The best thing to be is honest, but tactful.

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