by Laurie Miles

Created on: April 13, 2009

I am wearing my best underwear to be admitted to Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, California as an outpatient for back surgery. It is 5:15 am and the very polite and cordial gentleman who is in charge of getting me into the hospital is asking me how I am this fine Friday morning.

I now have two choices in answering this question. I can be a total smartass (which is my usual way of handling things) or I can be well-mannered and polite, just like my mother hoped I would be someday. Since it is very early in the morning and I haven't had coffee or food, I opt for a mix of both. I tell the very kind man that I am just "peachy"; all ready for slicing and dicing. He laughs and says "Are you now?"

I tell him I am as ready as I am ever going to be and let's go.

I am then taken to the room where they prepare me for the main event. My nurse escort walks me to my bed where they have laid out a gown, booties and a lovely hat made of blue paper. She instructs me to take all my clothes off and put on the hospital issue jammies. I want to leave my socks on but she says no. They will give me a heated blanket. She draws the curtain and leaves me by myself to change.

I pick up the booties and say to absolutely no one "Boy, these are hot". I hear a male voice answer back "Hey, those are Gucci"

I reply "I would prefer Jimmy Choos" He says they are all out and I ask him what kind of second-rate establishment am I in anyway? He laughs as do a few other people that I can't even see. I mean, I am in Cedars Sinai for heavens sakes. It just doesn't get much better than that.

I get in bed under the covers and the nurse pulls the curtain open. There stand about 3 nurses with big smiles, shaking their heads.

One looks at me and says "Thank you". I said "What for".

She tells me that they usually get grouchy people and it's nice to have someone with a little humor.

I told her "I am not going to piss off anybody who is taking care of me today. That would not be wise."

They chuckle and we start the rounds of questions from all the RN's and doctors who have to make sure I know who I am, my birth date and what procedure we are doing that day.

Within a half hour of this process, Dr. Leonel Hunt walks in. He is one of the best there is and I happen to have friends in high places (which is how I got into Cedars in the first place). The extra side benefit to my wonderful Surgeon is that he is the Doctor on "Dancing With The Stars"

He tried to hide the grin when he asked me "Tell me what we are doing today".

"We are doing a Foraminotomy", I responded dutifully, "and it took me two weeks to learn how to say that word"

Dr Hunt chuckled and said "Okay, where are we operating?"

"C5-6 and C6-7" I said and he nodded and told me I did very well.

Of course I had to tease him. I just had to call him "Twinkle Toes." Anything less just wouldn't have been any fun at all.
By the way, the surgery came out great and I will be dancing in no time.

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