by Brianna Knotts

Created on: January 30, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2010

It is believed that marriage is a precious bond. A way to show the world and your significant other that you are fully devoted to them. To love them, take care them, till the day you pass from this earth. Although marriage can be a wonderful joining of two people, it's also a joining of each other's past, present and future. I feel that too many people rush into wedlock. They feel they love the other person and are ready to make a full commitment. Although their intentions toward each other are pure, sometimes the heart overcomes thought.

You may laugh and find this hard to believe but my spouse and I were married after only dating for two weeks. We have been married a little over two years now. Are we still happily married you wonder? Yes. Do we plan on being together until death do us part? The answer is still yes. You now may be wondering what does this have to do with the title of this piece? Please bare with me, I am getting there. Our first year was full of turbulence. After the first few months of newly wed bliss wore off we started to find out things about each other. Things that should have been discussed prior to marriage. We both had kept a few things to ourselves figuring that it may never come up or that it wouldn't matter. Although once again our intentions were pure we had now created a trust issue. We no longer were as trusting of each other as we once were.

Despite how we felt about each other's "secrets" we struggled to work through it. We have suffered through many arguments and long nights of discussing divorce. Although neither one of us really wants a divorce we would bring it up anyway. We would also bring up every "secret" that the other one had kept before the marriage. Which usually caused more hurt than good. Although we have made it through most of these issues we are still not as close as we were the day we were married.

We both believe we jumped into marriage way too soon. We could have saved ourselves a lot of trauma by waiting. We could have talked more and discovered more about each other without the fear of already being committed. Would we have still married each other if we had waited you ask? We believe we would have. We also believe our first year would have been more joyous. Instead of arguing about the past all the time we could have been discussing our future. I encourage others to learn from my mistakes.

A good marriage is built around communication. Being able to voice to one another your needs is key. But it takes time and practice. A good time to practice would be prior to marriage. Take the time to discuss your lives and get to know each other. Not just physically but emotionally. Feel each other out. Ask each other questions. Make sure all the skeletons are out of the closet and that all your cards are on the table. This doesn't mean to start naming off others you may have been with and giving graphic details. That could actually damage your relationship for the future. But do take the time and discuss your future together. Let the other know what your emotional needs are. Find out if they will be able to meet those needs and vice versa. If you can't work through these issues now then marriage is probably not a good idea. You may find yourself feeling closer to that person or further apart. Either way you have saved yourself the possibility of divorce and unnecessary emotional trauma.

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