by Xian Yong Boon

Created on: April 12, 2009

I love that gleam in someone's eyes whenever I introduce myself as a writer. The comments that follow never fail to amuse me. "You must be really proficient in the English language!" Of course, they didn't phrase it so grammatically impeccable. Still, these comments are almost fool-proof, like how accountants must be "really good at Mathematics" and doctors "aren't afraid of blood".

Not true, and maybe true.

But it didn't start out that way. When I was young, English was more of a second language to me. I dreaded English lessons as much as I hated Physical Education. I mean seriously, who enjoys running in the middle of school time? No correction, who would enjoy running?

One of my vivid memories as a writer is having my family members laugh at one of my essays I wrote when I was 7. I wrote, and I quote, "My mom is a cooker". I'm sorry Mom, for objectifying women. Literally.

You must think, "well, at least you knew the word cooker' when you were 7!" It was one of those "helping words" that came along with the picture I had to describe in no more than 150 words.

It didn't help.

And years drift by and I was always average. Of course, by then I knew better, and I kept my essays to myself. I became withdrawn and I swore to never publicize my writings. Every essay I had to pen was a chore and every grade that came back had me swearing "my teacher's a whore!"

And then puberty came. That changed everything. Really, everything. Not only did my voice break, I started developing a flair for writing.

The thing with writing is that nobody ever really likes to write. That's as good as me saying, "I like to eat because I love chewing". I mean, who the hell would want to learn what "PRONOUN-ANTECEDENT AGREEMENT" is? Or "verb tense", "it is what it was".

Mumbo Jumbo!

I don't love writing. If I did, I would be at ease with writing technical manuals. "Fix A onto B and make sure it catches in the groove". Sometimes, the writer gets confused, and he confuses the reader. I would probably take the table leg and ram it into my colleague.

I hate writing scripts for corporate videos too. Seriously, nobody cares.

I can't write like this either: "the pale veil of cloud shrouded what dim sunlight the righteous but recently stabbed in the back lanky man with puffy eyes could have received". Novel writers don't enjoy writing as much as they enjoy feeling superior and seeing their readers scurry to the nearest dictionary.

I always believe that good writing goes beyond the number of words you know but

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