by Rick Badman

Created on: April 11, 2009

PRINCE CHARMING'S REJECTS

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince named Prince Charming. All the stories make him out to be a wonderful man who met a bunch of beautiful women who he married. GET REAL. The guy was a jerk. He would find a woman, make love to her, tell her that they were going to be married, and then he would ride as fast as his horse could carry him to the next female conquest. I ought to know. I married one of Prince Charming's rejects.

My name is Prince Ryan Dove. I used to be good friends with old Charming. His kingdom was next to my family's kingdom. We used to go to church together and chase after some of the same girls when we were children. The girls usually let him catch them while I had to run fast and withstand the fists and kicks from the girls I caught. His last name fit him perfectly.

After we finished our education, we both set out to find brides. He was able to set out on his journey months before I could because I had to help my father and his armies repel a neighboring kingdom from taking our land. After we won the war, I was able to set out on my journey. But I feared he would find a bride long before I could.

I was mistaken. In town after town and forest after forest, Prince Charming left a lot of broken hearts. In the first town lived a princess named Maria who the fairy tale writers refer to as Sleeping Beauty. And don't believe the writers who claim a wicked witch used a spinning wheel needle to prick her finger and that caused her to fall into a deep sleep. She had contracted a form of sleeping sickness somehow that the prince was able to heal with some herbs, plants, and bark which she drank everyday to keep her awake. He promised to marry her the next Sunday. But he slipped quietly out of town and on to the next conquest.

The woman was too angry to consider any man a suitable husband, so I rode on to the next location of romantic destruction. It was in the forest of Stoppleford where a young woman who lived with seven former palace dwarfs lived and worked in a mine. She was like the daughter they never had and she loved those seven little men with all her heart. She too had the same sleeping sickness the first woman had which writers blamed on a poor Jewish widow who also lived in the woods about a mile away. It just happened she brought apples for her to eat out of the goodness of her heart. But the writers want to blame her for something she didn't cause.

The prince cured her the same way he cured the first woman; not

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