by Jim Crawford

Created on: April 11, 2009

YOU'RE ON THE AIR

Opinions about talk radio are as widespread as the opinions expressed on the shows themselves. Some consider these programs educational, while a former coach of the Boston Celtics referred to them as "Nitwit Radio." Let's take a closer look at this medium by joining a popular radio talk show in progress:

Host: ....but enough about my thoughts on the mating habits of the titsi fly. It's time to hear what's on your mind today. Rick in Baltimore. You're on the air.

Rick: We should give a mandatory death penalty to food shoppers who take 12 items through the "10 Items or Less" line.

Host: Whoa, that might be seen as a bit heavy handed, Rick, but who am I to say? I'll tell you what, let's throw it out to our listeners. Mary in Rockford. What do you think of Rick's idea?

Mary: Right on.
And let's also give the death penalty when you're standing in a long line, like at the movies, and the moron couple in front of you don't move up right away when the rest of the line moves.
That open gap drives me absolutely bananas. It
makes me want to shove those jerks forward onto their faces. They deserve a lethal injection.

Host: Wow!
Seems we've got a zero-tolerance audience today. Let's see what John in Toledo thinks.

John: That last caller has me puzzled. How did she manage to dial your number with a straitjacket on?

Host: Now, now, John. Just because you don't agree with Mary, you shouldn't question her sanity. Thanks for the call. Peter in New York.
What do you think?

Peter: While we're doling out the death penalty, let's not forget the person who flips a cigarette onto the sidewalk. If they stub it out, I might accept a plea bargain down to life without parole. And by the way, Mr. Esteemed Host, I happened to be downtown yesterday and spotted you doing exactly....(cut off)

Host: Sorry, folks, I didn't realize that patients in psychiatric wards have access to phones. Let's move on. I'm told that Mickey in Sing Sing can only stay on the line for a couple of minutes, so let's get him on. Mickey, don't drop the soap, heh, heh.

Mickey: Very funny. Anyway, I think you chumps are overlooking a heinous crime in all your jabbering. I'm talking about the bums who peddle defective products, like the shives, brass knuckles and other weapons we depend on.
A criminal's job is tough enough without having to put up with shoddy, unsafe tools. I can't tell ya the last time I came across a silencer with a decent warranty or a sawed-off that had less than six safety recalls. And they keep

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