by Christine G.

Created on: April 11, 2009

What are the signs that you have finally found THE ONE who will be yours forever? Seeing stars, hearing music, and walking on air are symptoms of the temporary insanity of romantic love. This is an incredibly pleasurable experience, but not a reliable indicator of what your future together might be. For a rational assessment, you will have to wait until things cool down a little. After you've weathered your first few disagreements, spent quality time with each others' families and friends, and seen each other at your worst, you can assess the quality of your relationship with some measure of rationality.

Nobody will score 100% on the Suitability Scale. If you imagine that you and/or your prospective partner are Practically Perfect in Every Way, you are not yet in contact with reality. What you are looking for is a strong foundation you can build on. If some aspects are weak, work together to take corrective action before you make a permanent commitment. If you are unwilling or unable to do that, it is a bad sign. Glitches in your relationship will not magically disappear.

1. What is your track record with previous relationships? You may think it doesn't matter, because the quality of the current love is so special and unique, but it does. The ghosts of previous partners have a way of appearing in your bed, at your breakfast table, in your walls and under your carpets. It takes time to heal, to come to terms with what has happened, and to unlearn destructive patterns of behavior. If one or both of you are on the rebound, cool it for at least a year, and work on developing a friendship.

2. What commitments are you bringing into your relationship? These include responsibilities such as children, financial debts, property ownership, business partnerships, family obligations, religion, educational and career plans, friendships, pets, and hobbies. Do you perceive these as enhancements, or excess baggage? Often deadly assumptions are made about how they will be handled in the future. It may not seem very romantic to discuss budgets or legal issues, but there is no better time than the present, preferably with a third party who can introduce accountability into the process.

3. How do you feel about each other's families? Are you comfortable with what is happening in their homes, or do you feel like crawling under the couch? Do you enjoy being with them, or is it stressful? What you see in the home of your prospective in-laws is a fair indicator of what you can expect

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