by Patricia Watson

Created on: April 10, 2009   Last Updated: April 11, 2009

There are no hard and fast fixes for getting over your ex. Time will be your best friend after a relationship breaks down.

While you wait for the pain to get easier, there are some things you can do to speed up your recovery.

1. Take the time to grieve! It is important to face your loss. If you can't accept the fact that your ex is gone, you will never be able to move forward. Don't rush this process. You may come under pressure from family and friends to get on with living. Let them know that you are getting on, but your sadness is still inside. There is no shame in still loving your ex partner.

2. Try not to go to the same places you went to as a couple. Stay away from any place that may trigger memories of a happier time. Eventually, you will be able to visit these spots, without feeling sad.

3. Do something spontaneous and different. Take some evening college courses or join a friendship club. This will introduce you to new faces and give you an opportunity to network outside your couple's environment.

Keep yourself busy. This will be your best defense against the pain of not being with your ex partner. Try not to sit and fantasize about your ex. Sometimes it can be therapeutic to plot revenge or daydream about getting back together. It is perfectly normal to have some fantasies, but if you are consumed by them, you will need some help.

It is not a sign of weakness, or defeat, to speak with a counselor. They are trained in ways you are not. It will only take a few visits before you are likely ready to put your past behind you.

Getting on with your life is very important after a breakup. Don't let sadness and regret take over your thought process. There is nothing productive in self pity.

If you have children still living at home, it is important that you don't let them see too much grief. They will already have their own sadness and fears to deal with. Try not to put your hurts on their shoulders. If they see you that you are still working and mingling with friends, they will feel better about the situation.

In an ideal world, we would find the perfect partner and live happily ever after. That dream does come true for some couples, but for others there is a harsher reality. The first step in getting over a failed relationship is to say hello, to yourself!

After years of defining yourself as one half of a romantic partnership, you will need to take a long look at who you are. You may be surprised to discover someone who is intelligent and very able to cope as a single person.

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