by Jim Crawford

Created on: April 09, 2009

WHY I WAS LATE

The Associated Press recently reported that people late for school or work because of New York City subway delays can get notes from the transit agency to give to their teachers or bosses. NYC Transit has been mailing 34,000 such notes a year.

Excuses for being late or for other transgressions seem to be proliferating.
Here are some other excuses and notes we've come across:

"To whom it may concern: Please excuse Mr. Darby's lateness this morning. Our traffic lights were mistimed, and he had to stop at 46 of the 47 lights on his commuting route. Signed, DPW Director."

Note from dog: "I did in fact eat Johnny's homework. It was okay, but a little dry. Could you please add some gravy or A1 Sauce next time? I'd sign this, but I don't have a signature."

"To whom it may concern: Mr. Jones is a person of interest in a triple homicide. We think he has bigger things to worry about, but he's concerned about being late to work, so this is to confirm that we were interrogating him from 6 PM last night until 10 this morning. Signed, Special Agent in Charge, FBI"

"I examined Mr. Doe in the emergency room this morning. My diagnosis is that he has a severe form of a highly contagious gastrointestinal disease. If you weren't wearing gloves when he handed you this note, double time it to the nearest restroom ASAP. Make sure it has at least a week's supply of tissue paper. And may God be with you."

"To whomsoever gives a crap: Joey is late to your joint this mornin' cause last night me and him whacked that joker that Joey worked for at his last day job, the one who was always hassling Joey for being late. Then we hadda dump the bozo in the landfill. It shoulda been a bada bing bada boom job, but we ended up bustin' our humps gettin' the blimp into and outa the trunk. He musta ate donuts for breakfast, lunch and supper every day. Then we hadda ditch the piece in the river. The whole gig took us til 5 AM. Anyhow, Joey's a Made Man now. You should be prouda him, maybe give him some kinda comadation.
Signed, Tony Two Fingers"

"Robert: Please excuse Bill for being late. It was my fault. The glow I felt all over left me dizzy and unable to prepare his breakfast in time.
Signed, Your Wife Jane."

"Doug is late today because he accidentally stepped into another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. He returned to what you call the real world when he came upon a signpost up ahead his

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