by Jim Crawford

Created on: April 09, 2009

ANOTHER MANNY MOMENT

As this is written, ex-Red Sox player Manny Ramirez of "Manny Being Manny" fame is a free agent, being hotly pursued by a number of teams. Most couldn't care less about his screwball antics on and off the field (the incidents mentioned below did indeed happen), or how he might fit in with the rest of their team. All they care about are his home run, RBI and batting average numbers, all of which Manny has in spades. My investigators were able to secretly record the negotiations between Manny and the general manager of one such team (if he's signed by the time you read this, this might be the team that signed him):

"Manny, thanks so much for coming....Nah, don't worry about the five hours. We've all been a little late to meetings now and then. So, let me start with that incident where you shoved the Red Sox Traveling Secretary to the locker room floor when he didn't get you those 16 free tickets for your friends at that game in Houston. The press made a big deal of the fact that he was 64 years old, but I have to tell ya, what you did was perfectly understandable. After all, the Sox were paying you a paltry twenty million a year. How could you possibly afford to pay out of your pocket for 16 tickets! No way that'll happen with us. Our Traveling Secretary is prepared to get you as many tickets as you want. And best of all, he's only 42, so if you need to flatten him it won't hit the fan like that other time."

"That sounds good, man. I worry myself to death sometimes, you know, and it's good to know I'd be able to blow off some steam if I have to. He won't, like, hit back, will he?"

"Nah, he's a wimp. Now, I don't know if you ever get your hair cut anymore. I'm guessing you don't, by the looks of it nice "do" by the way - but in any event we're prepared to provide you with a private hairdresser who will be on call 24/7....No, heh, heh, that doesn't make her a call girl, but we can get you one of those, too, if you want.

"We also know you like to jump up and high-five fans in the stands before throwing the ball back into the infield, on the rare occasion when you catch the ball...ah...I mean, when you catch the ball up against the stands.
Our left-field wall is 40 feet high, but we're willing to cut it down to six so you can continue that shtick. And we could care less about any opposing runners racing around the bases while you're doing it."

"That's cool, man. Now you know I've got, like, weak kidneys and loose bowels, right? I mean, you mighta heard

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