by Jim Crawford

Created on: April 09, 2009

BEWARE OF THESE SYNDROMES

A bizarre news item came to my attention the other day. A woman in Washington State who always spoke English is afflicted with a rare but real condition called Foreign Accent Syndrome that now makes her sound European. According to the article, the accent appeared following a chiropractic adjustment of her neck. The report says, "The next day she was talking gibberish. When her speech returned she had a voice and accent that her friends and family didn't recognize."

Fortunately for you, I'm familiar with syndromes. I have episodes of Restless Leg Syndrome (another real condition). My leg insists on moving when I don't want it to. During flare-ups, it acts like a Mexican Jumping Bean. My wife doesn't have much sympathy for this condition, as it often occurs in bed. It also has a tendency to happen when I'm in a movie theater, especially during bad movies, which evidently bore my legs.
I have to walk around for a while to get relief from it. Unless you don't mind your leg doing the Hokey Pokey while you're trying to relax in front of the TV, believe me, you don't want this condition.

Perhaps you're not aware of some other syndromes. For example, there's the Presidential Hearing Deficit Syndrome. This one shows up when a breathless aide frantically tells President Bush, who has only a few moments to act, "Sir, the North Koreans launched a nuclear bomb that's targeted at us," and the President responds, "So the North Koreans lunched on an eclair and bun at Target. And I should care about that because....? By the way, I didn't realize that Target serves meals. Is the food any good? Do they do take-out? Maybe we should order out today."

Then there's the Aversion To Directionals Syndrome: You've been trying for 15 minutes to make a left turn at a busy intersection. There are 27 cars backed up behind you. The afflicted are approaching from the opposite direction and are planning to turn right, which would be a big help to you if you knew it, but this debilitating syndrome apparently leaves them physically unable to signal their intention.
You should pity these people, rather than succumb to the Middle Finger Syndrome.

Lawyers and home renovation contractors exhibit the Client Abandonment Syndrome. If you've ever tried repeatedly to contact a lawyer or contractor after you've given them a retainer or deposit, you're familiar with this condition. In some cases, clients concerned about the vanished lawyer or contractor's well being have enlisted the

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