by Keven Card

Created on: April 09, 2009   Last Updated: April 10, 2009

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to ever have loved again. Well if you're in a relationship that had love and its been lost I bet you don't feel that way. I was eating dinner at one of our favorite restaurants last week and I happened to notice this couple. They sat together, they were eating together but the odd thing was they weren't speaking to each other. It hit me strangely that this is the way that so many relationships are; they are together but at the same time they aren't. I wouldn't want to imagine how they treat each other at home; but I would venture to say that their relationship has been downgraded from a newlywed relationship to a roommate relationship. They may be married but they act more like they are living together with the occasional side dish of sex whenever necessary.

I truly feel sad every time I see a couple whose relationship has deteriorated to such a point. My relationship with my wife has been more like the making of a fine wine. The longer we're married our love just keeps getting stronger and more valuable. Every time I think I couldn't be in love with my wife anymore than I am, I catch myself doing something else new to express my ever-growing love for her. I can't seem to tell her enough times during the day how much I love her and then waiting for her to tell me how much I mean to her. I don't say this to impress anyone but hopefully to express my hope that more relationships can find that same kind of love. The kind that most women have daydreamed about since they were old enough to understand love.

There are so many things that go into growing a healthy and loving relationship and in the short time that we have together right now, I couldn't hope to tell you all the things that my wife and I have had to overcome and how we are still so much in love with each other. But allow me to give you just one of the secrets that we often share with couples which is to speak to them and about them as if they were the most valuable person in your life because quite honestly they should be. One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 18:21 life and death are in the power of the tongue.

Once the newness of marriage has worn off and you start to see the flaws of your spouse, it doesn't take much to start focusing the things they do wrong instead of why you married that person in the first place. It always starts out innocently enough, they'll do something that you don't like and you'll think you're being helpful by sharing your grievances (which is a good thing and we do advocate that as long as they don't become the focus), but little by little those negative things become increasingly easier to point out. At some point the number of negative things that are being said to each other far out number the positive.

When you say something long enough, whether it's positive or negative, eventually it becomes true. If you're in a situation where you and your spouse seem to be at each other throat most of the time, then let me challenge you to change what you are saying about the situation and about your spouse for 21 days. Sit down and make a list of the reasons why you married that person and then each time they do something that is designed to upset you simply say: "You know what I love about you?" and then insert something from your list. First of all they'll think you've gone over the deep end but they will persist in trying to make you angry. If you stand your ground and not give in to the temptation to say negative things in response, over time you'll see a shift in their response to you and you'll have injected love back into your relationship.

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