by David Rasmussen

Created on: April 09, 2009

You'd think by now, as Goovahnator of California, Governator Ah-nohld Schwarzenegger ("Ah'll be bahck") would have passed some law or something having every last copy of this movie systematically destroyed or something. He didn't, you can still see it on TV a few times a year (especially around the holidays or Christmas in July or whenever during the summer they show Christmas movies to warm you up for the Christmas holiday), and it's still only for the campy movie lover at heart... if such a thing truly exists.

I won't try to scar you for life with the details, so we'll just cut to the chase of it. Jingle All The Way is the plight of all of us who woefully procrastinate until the very last moment to do our Christmas shopping, only to discover the "it" gift of the year has long since sold out and is bare from the shelves. You name it, it's tormented parents at one point or another. Cabbage Patch Dolls, Ridicule Me El- I mean Tickle Me Elmo, the Nintendo Wii (in some states), anything Elmo that moves and laughs or whatever, the Nintendo DS... and I ran out of thoughts and ideas. Schwarzenegger is the every parent in this little dilemna, who was too busy with work to remember to go to the store and buy his somewhat bratty kid a Turbo Man action figure for Christmas. So we draw down to it, the last day before Christmas, and he is one desperate dude looking for one Turbo Man doll... I mean action figure (my god, what a big action figure).

But the road to Turbo Man giftdom is a harsh one paved with disappointment, dead ends and false leads, impossible tasks, guest appearances by James Belushi as an evil Santa and co star Sinbad as a disgruntled postal employee (wasn't disgrunted postal employees 'passe' by the time this movie came out?) also looking for a Turbo Man action figure. Somehow the two end up together, Schwarzenegger and Sinbad, first as possible allies then as enemies looking for that one holy grail of toys... oh, and is too soon to riddicule this movie since Schwarzenegger's irritating jerk neighbor in this movie (Phil Hartman) died sometime ago when his wife shot him dead? I don't know what's acceptable in movie reviewing and dead cast members of said movie. Maybe.

Anyway after a long series of misadventures, and the decapitation of one of the three wise men during an attempted case of Turbo Man-napping which almost cost Schwarzenegger's character his marriage, he and Sinbad finally throw down once and for all for the toy at the annual Christmas parade as Turbo Man and... and... whoever the bad guy was (at least I remember that Gilbert Gottfried (however you spell that) was the sidekick Booster who nobody liked)... oh, and Schwarzenegger got a reindeer drunk in this movie. Yeah, bad Schwarzenegger, friends don't let Reindeer drink and... something.

Oh, and yes I'm sure somebody learned something in this movie... just not sure what though. Really.

If you haven't been emotionally scarred yet watching this movie you can probably take it in bites... it's not completely horrible, as embarrassing oh my god why am I watching this holiday fare... it's just not for your Schwarzenegger collection, unless you actually relish him making a total boob of himself in movies like this and that one where he became pregnant. Then knock yourself out, enjoy, whatever. As for me? I dread the day Christmas movie time comes about once again and USA or TNT or Cartoon Network or whoever shows this movie... again... so with that said I'm giving dah Goover Dam Anator 2 IT'S TURBO TIME... out of 5 ewww... OK.

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