by Henry Piarrot

Created on: April 09, 2009   Last Updated: April 11, 2009

Dancing With the Devil

Countless theories have been conceived to explain why so many men use violence against their partners. Unfortunately, few expose the real motivation for it. Histories of family dysfunction, chemical dependency and economic stress all are popular excuses. Nevertheless, when the dissertation is complete, two words carry the day - power and control.

Van Wolfe is the executive director of SafeSpace, a sanctuary for victims of domestic violence, serving Sevier and Cocke Counties . For more than a decade, The United Way has provided her sanctuary with desperately needed funding to help feed, house and clothe not only the victims, but their children as well.
According to FBI statistics, more than 30% of female murder victims are killed by their husbands or boyfriends. Tragically, "If I can't have you, nobody else will" are the last frightening words they ever hear. As a result, Wolfe understands that the separation is the most dangerous time of the entire ordeal. That is because, as painful as it may be to stay, almost all battered women who are murdered by their partners are killed after they finally leave. Once the abuser realizes he no longer has power over his woman, he is compelled to regain his influence, even if it is to be over her death.

Thirty years ago, a small group of heroic women founded the Cosby Coalition. However, it did not take long for the needs of the community to outgrow their first house. In time, a bigger shelter was acquired and SafeSpace opened its doors in Cocke County .

It is estimated that more than 1.5 million women are stalked each year in the US . The pattern of controlling behaviors in stalking is very similar to domestic violence, as the vast majority of stalkers are former spouses or estranged partners. Stalking behaviors include constantly following the victim, repeated threatening phone calls, coming to the victim's place of employment and vandalizing personal property. In domestic violence situations, the court system is not always able to protect the victim. After all, "protective orders" are not printed on Kevlar.

Consequently, women must learn to protect themselves. Van and her staff helps these women rebuild their lives while the courts do their work. It is often a slow process and sometimes it seems hard to find government officials who can grasp the real danger battered spouses live with every day.

When I was a small boy, my stepfather nearly beat me and my pregnant mother to death. I still wear the scars from when he crushed his lit cigarettes on my skin. Fortunately, with the help of family, we escaped. Then, when my mom went to the Louisiana Courts for help in 1963, the judge told her, "There is no legislation that regulates how a man disciplines his family."

As a result, according to decade old U.S. Department of Justice Bureau Statistics, "Police are more likely to respond within 5 minutes if the offender was a stranger than if an offender was known to the female victim." Certainly, they must realize that if a woman is killed by her husband, she is no less dead. SafeSpace provides secure and secret refuge for women and children of Sevier and Cocke Counties who are no longer able to dance with the Devil in their own home.

The bad news is that there is no cure for the monster of a man who beats and abuses his spouse or partner. The good news is, if you need help, call 1-800-244-5968 and Van Wolfe, or one of her associates will do their very best to help you save your life.

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." - American poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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