by Chris Hotz

Created on: April 07, 2009

A recent birthday party for my son, who turned 8, was a drop-off. If you don't have kids this age, the words "drop-off" on the invitation are almost as welcoming as the words "free beer". Parents drop-off the children at the party, leave, and come pick them up when it's over. The alternative to a drop-off is having to stay at the party; slogging through forced conversations with other parents and pretending you think 30 children screaming at the exact pitch as a 30cc chain saw is a fun way to spend Saturday from 1 to 3pm.

The polar opposite of the glee felt when you get an invitation that reads "drop-off",is the impending feeling of dread when you are the HOST of a drop-off party, especially one at any of the generic, over-stimulating "entertainment" venues that were built specifically to remind parents they should have had kids 10 years earlier (Chucky Cheese, for instance).

Shortly after all the kids were dropped off at our sons party, Griffin, one of his friends, rammed into another child and promptly got a fairly severe bloody nose. After thanking the party-gods it wasn't Anibelle, whose mother would likely chide me afterwards for not calling Flight For Life, I knew I had to do something quickly so I could get back to counting all the kids every 30 seconds or so amidst the mayhem.

As Griffin's nose dripped copious amounts of blood, I quickly recalled the procedure that has staunched 100% of the nosebleeds in my kids, friends kids, etc. While some have called this method into question, I have had success every single time I've used it without exception. When faced with a nosebleed, especially in a child, quickly do the following:

1. Wad up a tissue, or paper towl small enough to plug the effected side (you know...the one that's bleeding)

2. Find the spot on the child's nose where the bone ends and the cartilage begins, usually about halfway down the nose. It is easy to feel, because the nose gets "squishy" Right there.

3. Pinch the nose at the spot identified above between your thumb and forefinger. You should feel about half bone and half soft-spot as you pinch. Pinch as hard as you can without hurting the child; I usually do it until they wince just a bit.

4. Hold it for about 30 seconds...and presto! Pull out the plug, wipe the nose, and your little one will be good to go.

In the highly unlikely event the above procedure doesn't work, try it one more time. It will. The only thing left will be the guilt-ridden explanation to the child's parent that will be met with condescending nods masquerading as indictments of you as an irresponsible parent. But hey...at least you made it a drop-off!

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