by Helena Handbasket

Created on: April 07, 2009

Imagine for a moment that you have a debt that is far beyond what you could ever hope to pay, even in a whole life time. The one to whom you owe the debt has just called and demanded payment. You feel this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and wonder , "What will I do, I can't pay this?!" You offer everything you have, and, hearing the hopelessness in your voice, he says warmly, "I am writing off your debit!, My son just said he'd cover it!" How do you respond? Do you dance, throw a party, or have some other celebration? Hopefully, you will remember how large a debt you have been forgiven of when you encounter a person who is in debt to you.

As someone who has been forgiven much, this is key for me as I teach my children to forgive. God has forgiven me of all my sin, and the grateful response is to forgive as I have been forgiven. This involves forgiving fully and from the heart when I am wronged, which is difficult at times. When it is difficult, it helps sometimes to search my heart. What injustice do I believe has been done to me? Am I trusting that justice will be done in the end, and that forgiveness will free both me and the offender? I find myself learning right along with my children as I work out the process of forgiving those who have wronged me..

Part of the process is sometimes wrestling with mixed emotions, resentment, bitterness until you (by the grace of God) conquer it. There are many situations we all encounter in day-to day living that anger us; the driver who cuts us off in traffic. the spouse who "pushes your buttons", the child who 'talks back' in a disrespectful tone. Sometimes we can just let go of the offense, sometimes we need to go to the person and let them know how they have offended us. Telling someone who hurts you, that they have offended you, that you are hurting, but that you forgive them will speak volumes to a child watching. They will see that you are not just expecting them to forgive, but are forgiving and setting the example yourself.

Asking for forgiveness from your child also is a powerful reminder of the message you are trying to communicate. Parents are not perfect, and when we try to appear as if we are, we make it harder for children to learn forgiveness. We don't always keep our promises and commitments, we sometimes discipline wrongly, we make boundaries too loose or tight. When we admit that we have wronged our children to them, it doesn't lessen our authority or esteem. On the contrary, it enforces it as we show them we need their forgiveness sometimes, too. Children have an instinctive ability to determine if our actions are consistent or inconsistent. It never ceases to amaze me how quick my own children are to forgive me for harsh words, a broken promise or an unfair judgement. It causes me to rejoice, not only that they have forgiven me, but that they are living out the example my husband and I have set for them.

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