by Rhulain Swann

Created on: April 06, 2009

I recently ran into an old friend from junior college who I haven't seen in years. She was shopping with her sisters and as she and I stood there and caught each other up on our respective lives, we began talking about men. She informs me that she is no longer dating the guy we constantly saw attached to her hip at school but is currently dating an investment banker. They have been together for almost 5 years now, she told me. After she tells her story, her sisters take their turns and flood me with stories of their respective boyfriends. After they were all finished, they all look at me expectantly as I tried to find some way to break the pregnant pause in the conversation. Those 30 seconds were quite possibly some of the most awkward I have ever had to endure before I finally just came out with it. At the utterance of "I'm not seeing anyone" came the looks that every single woman hates being directed at her. It's that look of mingled pity and incomprehension, accompanied with "OhI'm so sorry to hear that" or "How can a girl like you be single?" or the one I personally hate the most, "How do you deal without having a man around?".

How do I deal without having a man? What kind of question is that, anyway? No offense to the ladies out there who are in fulfilling relationships but that is quite possibly one of the most inappropriate things to ask a single woman. It's implying that, as single women, we are incapable of living our lives on our own, without a man to help us or save us. I remember clearly when my friend's sister asked me that the other day. I had to fight to keep the contempt out of my voice and my expression when I answered her. I informed her that, while it is nice to have the companionship of a good man, I most certainly don't need one in order to properly function. I went on to say that I was perfectly capable of running errands, doing household repairs and home improvement, changing the oil on my car, doing yard work, and even building pre-packaged furniture on my own. I don't need a man to open a pickle jar for me or to put his arm around me during a scary movie. I don't need a man to change my tire for me or to come to my rescue when I am being bullied. Perhaps there are some women, like my friend's sister, who believe that only men can fill certain roles. I have never been of this mindset and I never will be.

I've always taken pride in being independent. Some men might find that intimidating or undesirable but that's just the way I am. I have never felt the need to have a man in order to validate myself. I validate myself. Let's face it; there will never be a perfect man because no one is perfect. But there will come a time when I will find that almost-perfect man and I'm sure we will be very happy together. But he will not complete me, he will compliment me. That makes all the difference in the world.

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