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Should a child visit a grandparent with Alzheimer's? Well, it depends! You see, my son was born while my mother-in-law was living with us. She suffered from Alzheimer's disease. She was diagnosed at the age of 51, which is quite young to be affected by Alzheimer's disease. By the time he was born, she was 64 years old and was already living to the later stages of the disease. By the time he was 1 year and 8 months old, she passed away.

In this particular case, because of his young age, my son did not suffer from the exposure of someone living the most difficult stages of the disease. In fact, his presence in her life was most important to her. At least, she was able to see her only grandchild at the time, for the remainder of her life.

On the other hand, unless the grandparent living with Alzheimer's disease is in the early stages of it, I would not recommend for a child to visit them unless they are too young to be hurt or confused by their visit. At one point, you have to realize that while, as an adult, it is your duty to stay in contact with your parent; it is not your child's duty to suffer through the process of a painful visit.

Your parent was there for you in all situations, which is why you owe them that much in return. The presence of your child will not only cause confusion for the grandparent but for your child as well. Also, you must keep in mind that safety may very well be an issue. You would not want your child to be yelled at, pushed and shoved or even hit.

Depending on the temper of the grandparent, even if your child is too young to remember a difficult encounter later on in life, you still do not wish to put him through such a visit. Keep in mind that if your parent would not be affected by this disease, they would be questioning your actions as a parent even if they were based on the best intentions.

Another factor that you must consider if how you wish your child to remember that grandparent. While good visits done during the earliest stages of Alzheimer's disease would undoubtedly be the foundations of golden memories, the confusion and the pain involved in bad ones experienced during the later stages may very well destroy both memories and their relationship with that grandparent.

The question is: "What is the best thing to do for the both of them?" While values and principles may conflict with each other, you must keep in mind two facts.

First, the grandparent will most likely enjoy the visits of a grandchild at the earliest stages of Alzheimer's disease but as time goes by, things will change and like it or not, these visits will become a source of confusion, distress and frustration which may cause scenes of aggression.

As for your child, depending on his age, memories stay with you as the child is getting older. While you may feel good about their involvement through the grandparent's difficult process on the path of the disease, trauma may be the result and affect your child's life forever.

Do the right thing! Evaluate the situation on both sides before making a decision. If you see more disadvantages then advantages to your child visiting a grandparent affected by Alzheimer's disease, don't force a visit on them as only negative results will come out of it!

Be the best parent that you can be by taking your child's best interests at heart! The grandparent affected by this disease would be the first one to agree with such a decision as they started out as a parent themselves.

Learn more about this author, Sylvie Leochko.
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