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there, think again. Hospitals are not designed for anyone to feel comfortable. Suck it up and go visit.

The "F" word and your response

"I don't want to hurt their feelings."
This is a common concern, and in some ways it can be hard to avoid. You can try to walk in someone else's shoes, but in truth unless you could actually trade bodies for a week, you will never have an idea what that person's life is like. The trick, I guess, is to learn how to think before you speak. Most adults have to learn to do this at work, in their families. If you think it might hurt someone - don't say it. It's hard to do - but like everything else in life, practice makes perfect.

"What do I say to someone who is hurting?"
Would you feel less pressure if you didn't have to say anything at all? Then relax, because sometimes the less you say the better. It is more often your actions that will speak for you. And the action of listening instead of persisting in idle chatter can mean so much more to someone that still needs that shoulder of yours, even if it's getting a little soggy. What does it cost to give a hug? What is the price of holding someone's hand for a few minutes? What is the financial expenditure of a mild neck rub, or an arm to lean on as they walk? Once you find that the human cost of not doing these things is much more expensive, you will be ready to be a friend.

"What shouldn't I say?"
This question has many answers, and many have come from disabled people I know. These may not be hard and fast rules, and may need to be adjusted for the situation, but they end up being universal.

"You look great! Or, You're looking much better!"
This implies that you expect them to feel great, when that may not be the case. Many illnesses and disabilities are invisible, and belie the underlying pain and suffering accompanying them. Instead ASK how they feel, and really listen. Take your cue for further comments about their appearance from their answers.

"At least you're not in a wheelchair."
What you don't hear is the rest of that statement. In response to that comment, the disabled person may think "not yet, anyway - and then I can count on you to say something else hurtful to me."

"At least you can still (hear, see, walk)." Or, the classic: "You should count your blessings."
If you have not experienced the loss, don't assume it's easy to discount one. If you have, you are still too bitter to help anyone yet.

"You shouldn't have tried to work two jobs."
Is it really your call to blame a sick person

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