by Marie Herron

Created on: April 03, 2009   Last Updated: April 04, 2009

Falling in love with a best friend might seem as though it would be the most natural thing in the world to most. It may seem like a natural progression of feelings toward the person who knows you better than anyone else. Your best friend is some one who gets your personal brand of humor, someone who you trust to listen to your secrets and keep them as well as provide comfort. Thus, it is easy to see why many people find themselves wondering if they should be with their best friends in a more intimate way.

However, in my opinion (i.e. experience) it is a poor choice to try and advance toward an intimate relationship with ones best friend. Once the boundaries have been crossed it is no longer the same relationship as before. You are then forced to then view each other from a different perspective. The glory of the best friend bond is that you are free from judgement, from secrets and from the prospect of possibly breaking one another's heart. Once you are in a relationship with another person there are certain unsaid rules that must be observed. You cant share all of your feelings (like how you dreamt about someone else last night) with one another anymore, you cant talk about past relationships with the same lightness, and if the relationship becomes strained you can never go back to just friends without some emotional baggage.

Of course it is best to be honest with each other if you do have those feelings. But, I think it is important to talk it through and decide if those feelings are true, or a natural product of the intense bond you share as best friends. If you decide that your feelings are more lustful or not as important as the bond you already share, I say voice how you are feeling and let it pass. On the other hand if you find that your feelings are more intense than lust and more urgent than your friendship then you may have a very life changing decision to make. But, once you change the nature of a best friend relationship there will always be a strain to make it work. This is because you love one another so much already, neither of you want to hurt the other party. You know you can never go back, and the grief of losing a best friend can be far worse than that of losing a lover.

In the end I say, cherish your friendship for what it is worth. Lovers come and go, but a true best friend can last a lifetime. There aren't many people whom we tend to trust with every aspect of our lives. Your best friend knows everything about you and loves you for who you are. You can tell them about your one night stand, or the things you dislike about yourself. You can be completely honest with them, sharing your whole self. This is something that is worth preserving. A relationship has boundaries and expectations that go unsaid. If you are wrong about your feelings there is no magic eraser that can take the two of you back to lighter times when you could hurt each others feelings but not break each others heart.

Learn more about this author, Marie Herron.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.