by Crystal Dawn Marie

Created on: April 01, 2009

I think the hardest thing about breaking up is actually having the guts to do it at all. I have found that sometimes we hang on for way too long to something that will never get any better than it is. Why is it that we can't let go? Is it because we think we need to have someone in our lives at all times or is because somewhere in our deepest depths we believe this person will actually change?

I can't answer any of these questions, but I can tell you that after breaking up with my husband of 14 years, a relationship of 23 years, that it is never easy to take that final step. I had hoped, for at least four years, that things would change but the more time that passed the more I became frustrated with the situation. I think for each of us it is a matter of when enough is enough and the hard part is really knowing when that point has been reached.

I feel that we all inherently believe that things will get better with time, so we give it time. But sometimes we give it way too much time and that time breeds a comfort level that could be devastating to the person who loses the most. For example, my ex-husband was so devastated by the breakup that nearly a year after he was served with papers for the divorce he really believes that now he loves more than anything in the world. Whereas, I believe, that the only thing that he really misses is the cushy life that I had been providing him with for half of his adult life.

It is very, very hard to move on from a long term relationship, any relationship for that matter; and there were times that I second guessed myself about actually going all the way through the process. In the end, you have to trust yourself and I'm sure after a long period of time that can be hard to do. Am I making the right decision, am I going to reqret this, am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? All these questions and more will inevitably creep into your head, but you have to find it within yourself to know and BELIEVE that you know what is best for you. After all, if you aren't happy with you then you can't make anyone else happy.

Now I know that all of these things, obviously, become way more complicated when a child or children are involved. But I've been there too, so I know me well enough to know that I did what was best for my child. Too many people, especially women, tend to worry more about themselves than their children and in the end the only people who really suffer are the children. If you bring them into this world then it is your responsibility to make sure that they are the most important thing in your life...NOT your personal life. When the time is right the next opportunity will knock and hopefully you will be ready for it.

All I can really say is know yourself, know your limitations and when you feel you've had enough, then it's enough!

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