by Lorie Froelich

Created on: January 28, 2007   Last Updated: August 25, 2009

I am living it, I am starting over after divorcing. Let me first say the separation lasted over a year. Both of us drug our feet at one time or another and just as with death there is a grieving process, you have work through it in your own time not what others think your time frame should be. It is time to build a life for yourself that you can manage and be happy with. If you do not have children, possessions, money, a house anything to fight over great but make no mistake, you will find things to fight over no matter how good of a friend you are trying to be to each other. The process, no matter how smoothly it goes, is emotional, painful, and at three o'clock in the morning when you awake alone its going to be rough no matter how much you think you hate the person or have moved on. The longer you've been together the harder it is. There are memories good and bad. Traditions to start anew, holidays to get through and again, there are the memories. Sometimes it's hard to remember but you married because you were in love and enjoyed almost everything about each other. Sometimes you grow apart, one or the other of you cheats, drinks, gambles, is abusive, grows up, thinks the grass is greener somewhere else, has a midlife crisis, whatever it is you still have to look ahead and make a life for you.

Changing the house around was very therapeutic for me. Some new pieces of furniture, painting the bedroom, moving things around did wonders for my overall mental health. It was as though I needed to stay in this house because I could not deal with one more change in my life but yet I wanted my stamp on it. There needed to be a new life thriving here not the old one that could never be gone back to. This was my comfort zone and it needed to be all about me and my likes and dislikes. It was funny, just moving the bed next to the window was a big deal because he had never wanted it there. The new couch that didn't have his ass print worn into it was down right thrilling. Sheets and blankets, table clothes and placemats, rugs and upholstery that didn't have cigarette burn marks or odors were all of a sudden the most divine thing I had ever owned.

You do not realize how much you adapt to a another person's way of life until they are no longer there. Guess what, I never liked ground pepper in my food but cooked with it because he did. I hate cigarette smoke but tolerated it because he smoked. Finally, I got a dog! She is my best friend and to think I lived all of these years without one because the responsibility of taking care of him was more than enough.

Just know, you will get over it in little leaps and bounds, some days will be harder than others, and there will be times that you just do not care about being nice and you will be mean. The point is, it's all about you now and taking care of yourself and building a life that is happy and healthy. There will always be a little place in your heart that may wish that things could have been different however, there really will come a time when you will sit back, take a look around you and say to yourself "I'm going to be alright".

Learn more about this author, Lorie Froelich.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.