by Melinda Barr

Created on: April 01, 2009

Forgetting to pick up your dry cleaning is a mistake. Missing an appointment is a mistake. An affair is never a mistake.

Few things in life can destroy a relationship with the force and volatility that an affair can. Whether the affair is a one-night stand or a long-term emotional entanglement, the misery it leaves in its wake is like a tidal wave of shock, anger, shame, and misery.

The hurt partner has been deprived of the emotional security and trust in the relationship. Although the unfaithful partner may feel equally hurt at times, it is generally the hurt partner who experiences the greater sense of devastation.

To stray outside of a monogamous relationship is wrong on many levels. Very often, the one doing the straying will end up with deep feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy of some sort. Take this mix of emotions and add it to the negative feelings of the hurt partner and you have quite a dangerous road ahead of you.

An affair is wrong both morally and spiritually. This is another reason why an affair is much deeper than just a mistake. To intentionally hurt or deceive a loved one speaks very poorly of both your ethics and your measure as a man (or woman). Healing the pain and rebuilding the trust after a partner has been unfaithful is not impossible but it is extremely difficult to accomplish.

This type of deceit in a relationship leaves both partners very wounded and isolated, albeit in different ways. This makes it tough to communicate on delicate issues and leaves both partners walking on eggshells. Obviously, the relationship was already fractured in some way, and the affair just adds to the burden.

While some couples can survive infidelity, most can never get past it. Few of us have the skills to successfully maneuver beyond a betrayal of this magnitude. In one reputable study as many of 37% of men and 20% of women have broken their wedding vows by engaging in an affair. The most recent study in the United States alone indicates that 1 in every 2.7 relationships has been touched in some way by infidelity. That is over 20 million people! This does not speak very highly of the sacred vows of marriage or commitment, does it?

That someone who claims to "love, honor & cherish" you can inflict this type of betrayal and pain is almost inconceivable. Yet, the statistics do not lie and in both studies noted above these statistics are thought to be somewhat on the conservative side.

Many people believe that affairs are more like a mistake instead of seeing them as the sinfully wrong. The casual indifference of the cheater as to what is morally right or wrong also plays a big part in infidelity.

It is never right to lie, deceive, or dishonor a partner, or anyone else for that matter. The breach of trust created by infidelity and betrayal is almost impossible to rebuild. It speaks very poorly of your moral fiber and your ethics, or lack thereof.

In summary, infidelity is never just a mistake no matter what the circumstances. It is cowardly and cruel solution to some bigger issue the cheater is refusing to deal with.

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