by Dolly DeVonderland

Created on: March 31, 2009

Self-communication, sometimes called internal dialogue or self-talk, is how you interact with yourself, your thoughts and dreams. As these thoughts are part of what makes us who we are, there's a very strong correlation between negative self-talk and negative feelings about oneself. Self-esteem can be hard to come by when there's a harsh voice of criticism coming from within. Cognitive psychologists address the issue of negative self-communication in a variety of ways, but the goal is the same. By taking control of your internal dialogue, you can direct it to a positive tone. Thinking in this positive tone will make you feel more positive about all aspects of life, including your self-esteem.

If you find yourself battling a strongly negative style of self-communication, perhaps you scold yourself harshly for even small mistakes, you may find it helpful to start by recording your moments of negative self-talk. It need not be an elaborate journal, just jot down what the thought was, what you were doing when it happened and how you felt before, during and after. After a few days of documenting your negative self-communications, read over your work and see if there's a pattern. Are you harsh on yourself more in the morning, or is there a person you deal with who makes you judge yourself more? Finding an underlying pattern to your negative self-communications can be a first step in stopping the hurt that can be caused by a harsh internal critic. The next step is to directly address that critic.

Now look at the list again, this time re-phrase each negative thought into a positive one. It may be hard, but really try to find something positive that you could have thought instead. Perhaps if you were scolded about not meeting dress code at work you could see it as someone paying attention to your looks rather than you looking bad. Perhaps you didn't look great, but that's not what's important, there's no reason to take something like a dress code reminder to mean that you're not a good-looking person. Think about what prompts you to speak to yourself in negative ways, is it in times of stress or when you're tired? Monitoring the situations in which you engage in negative self-communication can point to stresses in your life that need to be dealt with differently. If the morning is a rough time for you, perhaps getting up a bit earlier and taking time to meditate would be a good way to start your day.

The next step is also tricky, but if you really think that your self-esteem

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