by Matt Nord

Created on: March 31, 2009

One of the things that turned me off from church for so long was how judgmental most of the Christians I came into contact with were. I'd never read the Bible so I assumed that's how Christians were supposed to be, and I wanted nothing to do with them. God's funny that way, though. By the power of the Holy Spirit, God changed my heart. Despite my best efforts, God pursued me to the point that I couldn't resist His love and His call. As a follower of Christ, so many things about me and how I live my life have changed. Unfortunately, for the most part the Christians haven't. You see, I have a very messy testimony; one that I'm still reaping the "benefits" of today. I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of.

The problem is, messy testimonies tend to make people uncomfortable. Here's what I've seen; unless you're a writer or a lecturer/motivational speaker, nobody what's to hear about a broken past. Even when seeking help, pastors seem to shy away from a person who has traveled a truly rocky path. It's more about covering up the mess, sweeping the dirt under the rug instead of exposing it to the light.

The strange thing to me is that the Bible is full of people who were screwing up left and right, but God used them in amazing ways. We look to them as some of the most memorable examples of faith, but look what they came from: Abraham nearly throws his wife into an adulterous affair twice (out of cowardice) and ends up sleeping with his wife's servant, Moses was a murderer who ran away and hide in the desert to avoid charges, David had his mistress's husband sent to the front lines of war to be killed. And yet people don't seem to be shocked by this. Maybe it's because it happened so long ago. Maybe people, even Christians read the Bible like a book with fables and stories to teach us good morals.

I know that I'm forgiven in Christ, that my sins have been washed away by His blood, but the church is supposed to be the body of Christ in this world, and a lot of what I see is white-washed paint over a rotted house, a Band-Aid over a gaping wound. Sometimes life hurts. When someone asks you how you're doing, you're supposed to say, "I'm great, how are you?" and move along. But as soon as you mention something really hurting you, people start to squirm. Again, sometimes life is painful and you need a little more than superficial "I'll be praying for you." Whatever happened to spontaneous prayer in the middle of the hallway or in the grocery store. If we're truly Christians and we truly believe what we say we do on Sunday, why don't we act like it on Monday?

Some of us out here have come from such a broken past that we still have pieces that haven't been put together. As a fairly young Christian, I was looking to those who had been Christians for a while to help me along the way. I needed a Paul to my Timothy. The discipleship just didn't seem to be there and the shattered pieces of my past are constantly cutting my hands and knees as I crawl through this life. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I know God is going to get me through to completion.

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