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A good listener has to put body, heart and mind into the art of listening. Such a person is generous with their time and attention, but sparing with their tongue. To be a good listener is to speak only when asked, and only with relevant, pertinent words that connect them totally with the speaker's concerns. Even the most enthusiastic talker can learn how to be a good listener, and so, gain much from human interaction.

* BODY: Real, active listening involves the body. Eye contact, open hand gestures, smiling, a nodding head, a slight inclined move towards the speaker, are all ways to reassure the person that they are with a good listener who is focused on them.

* HEART: As the center of the emotions, so it is perceived, good feelings come from the heart. They are given generously by the good listener, with warmth, empathy and compassion. They are portrayed openly by the body language and the use of reflective, clarifying comments from the listener.

*MIND: The good listener's mind will be busy processing the information being shared. It will continually seek to understand facts, formulate pertinent responses, all the while remaining focused and non-judgemental. Clear understanding, expressed through reflecting back and appropriate body language, is further evidence of a good listener in action.

TIME AND ATTENTION: These are the mainstay of all the other elements of how to be a good listener. Without giving full attention and making time for the person who needs to talk, true communication will just not happen. So it is essential to let other things disappear, to forget about the outside world or any distractions, and concentrate on the here and now of hearing and listening.

SPEAKING: The use of certain words and phrases will enhance the skills of how to be a good listener. Use simple words like "Yes, I see that," or "I think I understand," along with open questions like "How did that make you feel?" or "What did you do next?" or "Where do you want to go from here?" etc. will show empathy and understanding. They allow for clarification and reflection of feelings. They should be used sensitively and appropriately, for the listener should be watching the speaker's body language as well as listening to their words, for clues as to when to speak. A gentle, non-aggressive tone of voice, and NO interruptions or personal opinions, unless asked for, are also qualities of a good listener.

It is not difficult to become a good listener, if the key factors are borne in mind:-

* BODY

* HEART

* MIND

* TIME AND ATTENTION

* SPEAKING

Put them into practice when somebody really needs a good "listening to." Hopefully, you are now equipped with the knowledge of how to be a good listener. From that knowledge and its application, will come skill and ability.

Learn more about this author, Dolores Moore.
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