by Lynn Dancey Rudkin

Created on: March 31, 2009

On our way home from a family gathering at my cousin's the day after Christmas, our 4-year-old very seriously asked, "What's my birthmom's name?"

We were stunned. He said it again. We replied, "Her name is Jennifer," and casually inquired, "Why do you want to know?" And then he was off on another tangent, seemingly having forgotten he had asked.

At home a couple hours later, I walked into the living room. Hunter was sitting on dad's favorite spot on the couch, and Jim was standing behind him looking shell shocked. Dad said, "Ask momma."

So once again Hunter, looking sad, serious and far too thoughtful for a child his age, said, "What's my birthmom's name?" I sat down, held out my arms, and he came over. He said, through more tears than I imagined he had in his little body, "Why didn't my birthmom want me? Why didn't she love me? Why did she hate me? Are you going to throw me away, too?" I was crushed that such doubts were running through his mind

"HUNTER'S ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD! What's going on?" I thought. "He shouldn't be asking these questions or having these doubts for years!"

As I hugged our little guy, I said, "Hunter, your birthmother loved you very, very much. But she was young, really poor and wasn't able to raise you and give you clothes and food and toys. She knew that your daddy and I wanted a baby VERY, VERY, VERY much, and she loved you enough to place you with us."

Then we talked more about how very special he is because he is adopted, and how much we wanted him in our livesthat God handpicked him from all the babies in heaven to send to our waiting arms.

At the family gathering, Hunter had spent a lot of time with my cousin's 16-year-old and her friend, so we couldn't help but think something had been said about "How could anyone give away this precious child?" The girls couldn't remember anything they had said that might have prompted him to ask questions. Perhaps it was cousin Patrick leaving to go stay with his dad for a few days. He'd never asked anything about his bmom previously, but apparently had been thinking.

How traumatized would our child have been if the adoption had been a closely guarded secret instead of one of openness through his young years?

From the day Hunter was born, we've always told him that he was adopted. We're heard of too many kiddos who feel betrayed by parents that "wait until the right time" to tell them. ...The "right time" is from the beginningI During middle-of-the-night feedings, I would rock him and tell stories of

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