by Trish Austin

Created on: March 30, 2009   Last Updated: April 02, 2009

Love at first sight? No. Extreme physical attraction at first sight? Yes, this extreme attraction is often confused with love. For genuine love to develop between people there has to be some level of physical attraction. However, physical attraction alone can never develop into genuine love. Meaning love that has the possibility of lasting a life time.

Physical attraction is only a beginning. It may be what motivates certain people to want to pair up with other people. But, innumerable factors can and often do get in the way of the physical attraction developing into love, not to mention, genuine love.

* intelligence levels

* sense of humor

* communication styles

* similarity in goals

* styles of conflict resolution

This is only a short list of what can prevent physical attraction from developing into genuine love. In the simplest terms, aside from attraction, the couple has to be able to get along. Love cannot develop if people are getting on each other's nerves. But, even in relationships that have potential for love, there will be conflict. It is not the disagreeing that is bad. It is how well the couple resolves the disagreements

Love takes time. It is not easy. I think we all wish and believe love should not be so hard. We want to find someone we are attracted to and bingo! Lasting love with hardly any effort and a lot of fun. Some times I have gotten in relationships hoping that the fun will last and any troubles will take care of themselves. Of course, the fun ends. We hit some bumps and the "love" ends. We are human beings with good habits, bad habits and different likes etc.. When you find some one that you can love, flaws and all, that is the "real" deal. This can develop into genuine love.

Even when it is the "real" deal, the "fun" stage passes and, as a couple, you get along. Now, it becomes a harder journey. I dislike writing this because I wish it were not true. However, experience has taught me it is true. As Erich Fromm writes in The Art of Loving (1956), "To love somebody is not just a strong feeling-it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling...feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgement and decision?" Additionally, he writes,"Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence."

Erich Fromm writes, love is a constant challenge. It is always moving. Whether the couple feels joy or conflict, they are together. To me, this sounds like traditional wedding vows. We are together no matter what life throws our way. Even if I am so mad at my partner at the time, it will pass, the decision has been made I love him, end of story. I will not run from conflict nor will he. We have made a decision to love each other. We choose to and make ourselves talk to each other intimately. Small talk has its place. But, for genuine love, when we talk our style will be intimate.

How could this love as described ever form at first sight? I would say never.

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