by Jennifer Eblin

Created on: March 30, 2009

You're calmly sitting on the couch, twiddling your thumbs and watching the last half of the football game. You and your wife or girlfriend have plans to go out with friends, but she's still trying on clothes. Thirty minutes ago you tried to help by randomly grabbing a dress out of the closet and telling her to go with that one, but she pushed you out the door. Occasionally she shouts a question to you, but for the most part you're just wasting time until she's ready. Then she exits, does a pirouette in front of you and asks the question you least likely want to answer.

Does this make me look fat?

I can almost see the cold sweat dripping off your forehead and feel your paranoia. Once you told her that she looked fine and she locked herself in the bathroom for an hour. Another time you told her she looked great and she nearly clawed your eyes out. And don't forget about the time that you told her it made her look like she'd gained a few pounds. In fact, we don't even want to remember how that ended. There's really no right answer to this question, but there are a few responses that will save you both a fight in the end.

If the outfit really doesn't make her look too good, think fast and remember the last time you saw her look sexy. Then look her in the eye and say, "you look great, but remember that red dress? I'm dying to see you in that again, I might not even want to go out". Unless your wife or girlfriend is a psycho, she's liable to melt when you say something like that. Not only will she put on something great, but you might even get a treat at the end of the night.

If she does look great, then tell her that. Just don't do the guy thing of keeping one eye on the game and giving her a cursory once over. Stop whatever you're doing and focus completely on her. Then tell her that she looks gorgeous/beautiful/sexy as hell/whatever you're feeling. She'll love knowing how you feel.

The most important thing to remember is that you actually have to mean what you say. Mute the television, put your video game on hold and give her a long and lingering once over. Then when you talk to her, look her in the eye and smile as you speak. These are all signs that you actually notice her clothing. If you keep focusing on the game and tell her she looks good, be prepared for a knock down drag out fight.

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