by Jennifer Eblin

Created on: March 30, 2009

On paper he seemed like the perfect guy. He was just my type, or at least the type I'd always gone for in the past: tall, with dark hair and a great sense of humor. He liked all the same things as me, including NASCAR and horror movies so I was hookedor at least that's what I told people. There were things about him I didn't like such as his annoying habit of mentioning money constantly and his ability to go days without calling. Yet I was still crazy about him or so I said. I think I even believed it a little myself.

Then the inevitable happened. We went on a date that seemed to go well and then he disappeared for a few days. When he finally turned up again, it was just to tell me that he and his ex-girlfriend had gotten back together and he wanted me to leave him alone. I vented to my friends, cried on their shoulders and cried over the telephone. I wrote dozens of blog posts about him and our relationship and what a bad guy he was.

Then just as suddenly it hit me that my feelings for him weren't real. As much as I wanted them to be, they just weren't. I knew this because just a week or so after our breakup I found myself jumping back into bed with my ex-boyfriend, the one that came before him. It opened up a whole new set of wounds and made me realize that I wasn't that into my latest ex because I never got over my last ex.

That seems to happen quite a bit with relationships. We jump from one relationship to the next without giving ourselves time to release our old feelings and let go of that last relationship. Instead we force ourselves to believe that we actually have feelings for someone new.

You're probably asking yourself right now about the question put forth by this title. How do I know if my feelings for someone are real? The only way you can answer that question is by looking at your current relationship. Consider how you feel when that person isn't around. Do you miss them or do you not even notice? Also ask yourself how you'd feel if you caught them with someone else. Would it make you feel terrible or would you not really care? You have to consider your feelings for that person and consider how you feel about them. You have to make sure that you have real feelings and that you're not just caught up in the idea of having a significant other.

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