by Melissa A.F.

Created on: March 29, 2009

I have never tried to commit suicide, but suicide is an action that played the most defining moment in my life when I was just a child. My father is gone now, and suicide is the reason. I really think of suicide not as someone taking their own life, but as the mind taking over the life. Nobody who has a healthy mind wakes up one day and decides they want their life to end. But what do those who do not understand that do? They call it selfish, they call those people crazy and condemn them. Like these people do not have enough problems without getting judged?

I have heard people say that if a person talks about suicide they are not ever truly going to do it, they are just trying to get attention. Maybe in some cases that is true, but how can a topic like suicide be generalized in that aspect? If someone is talking about suicide then do what they are asking; give them attention. It is much better to have someone talking about it then someone attempting or at the very worst succeeding at it. In my opinion if someone is talking about not wanting to be on this earth then sit up and pay attention, then do whatever you can to get that person the help they need if you want to keep them around.

My father spoke about it; he attempted it. Then one day, he succeeded. So was he trying to get attention? I don't believe so. I believe he was just being honest when he spoke of not wanting to be here. Honesty can be harsh and in his case life was harsh to him. His mind could not recover. I believe some minds are more adaptable, more resilient than others. Some people can take the hardships they have been through and overcome them; others let their hardships eat away at their souls. This is the difference between those of us who survive and those of us who leave. We all deal with things in different ways and a lot of us who are alive do not always choose the best ways to deal with our problems. However, there are also people who cannot find a source of comfort at all. Nothing on this earth can bring them peace. They are living in a state of constant turmoil and they want a way out. Is that selfish? Is it attention seeking behavior? I don't believe so. I believe it is a quest for peace. Most of us are lucky enough to find a source of peace on earth; others cannot no matter how hard they try.

I believe my father found his source of peace after his life ended. Because of this, I can respect his decision. I have to because if I don't then as his daughter I could very well be consumed with his death for the rest of my life. Part of me will be consumed with it regardless because I have lost a parent and there is nothing that can change that. However, I use my suicidal experience as education for others. I am a suicide survivor and I am not going to sweep that under the rug. I am not ashamed of my father. I am ashamed of those people who are ashamed of suicide.

Learn more about this author, Melissa A.F..
Click here to send this author comments or questions.