by Krystle Hernandez

Created on: March 29, 2009   Last Updated: April 25, 2009

Co-dependency is frequently defined as excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction. Although the term "co-dependent" was initially coined to describe the relationship that addicts maintain with their enablers, more and more, individuals are beginning to use "co-dependent" to refer not only to addicts, but also to individuals in toxic romantic relationships. However, it has become increasingly clear that co-dependency can also exist among parents and their children. But, how exactly does co-dependence relate to parenting?

Parents and their children can maintain co-dependent relationships in one of two ways: either the parent becomes an enabler to an chemically addicted child, or the parent is so over-bearing and enabling that the child essentially relies far too much on the parent and never truly becomes a self-reliant, independent adult. In other words, an addiction does not have to exist for a parent and child to become co-dependent.

Co-dependence as a result of addiction

When an addiction is present, however, it is frequently the case that the parent begins to fill the role of "enabler" essentially making it easier for the chemically dependent child to continue on a downward spiral. An enabler is often defined as a person who wants to protect another but whose efforts actually end up making the situation worse rather than better. Enabling parents may maintain a sincere desire to protect their children and act in their child's best interests, but the techniques they use in order to do this frequently end up failing for a number of reasons, particularly because the enabling parent generally engages in certain behaviors that prolong their child's illness by (for example) making excuses or covering up their child's negative behaviors. Denying or covering up a chemically dependent individual's negative behaviors makes it difficult for that individual to gain a full understanding about the severity of their situation, and then change becomes difficult or impossible to achieve.

Are you an enabler?

If you are unsure whether or not you have become your chemically dependent child's enabler, it is important that you ask yourself some very important questions. Be honest with yourself when you evaluate the role you play in your child's life. Are you constantly denying the fact that your child has a REAL problem? If you do recognize that your child has a problem, do you often minimize the

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