by K Scappace

Created on: March 29, 2009

If it were easy to walk away from a violent partner, more people would do it. Unfortunately there is always more involved than just the partner's violence. Money is often a concern. Even in situations where both partners make near equal pay, the abused partner very rarely feels financially able to leave. There is the loss of home and the loss of income to consider. Many abused partners feel they cannot afford to pay their part of the couple's expenses if they leave. Even a terrible home, they feel, is better than no home at all.

Short-term safety is also a big concern. Society has proven more than once, that emergency responders do not always aid the abused. Abused partners face the prospect of having to completely scrap their lives and go into hiding in order to escape. If there are children involved, and there often are, the situation is further complicated by the fear of the violent partner stealing the children away. Then, once they can take steps to sever the relationship lawyers force them to justify and defend leaving in court. No matter how bad the situation was they must prove they were not at fault in many cases.

One of the first steps a violent partner takes is to isolate the abused partner. Friends and family are systematically driven away to keep the abuser happy. Without a support network which we all rely on, the abused person feels he or she will have to work alone to succeed. Leaving becomes an overwhelming task.

While it is certainly safer to walk away in the long term than it is to stay, it is never easier. The abused partner faces the daily certainty of demoralization and unpredictable violence. They must always strive to keep a good face on situations they have little or no control over. They often hope that someone notices what is wrong and offers more help than just advice or more condemnation.

You may know someone in a relationship with violent person and feel hamstrung when your friend appears to accept the situation or makes excuses for the violence they live with. You can help this person best by helping them to establish an escape route and place to hide. Perhaps, if you are able, you can offer them a loan to secure a new home for them and their children. Investigate shelters for them and become their go to' person when they are ready. Yes, you risk much without any assurance of return, but in the end, there will be one less grave dug in the name of domestic violence.

Learn more about this author, K Scappace.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.