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For some people the art of saying "no" can be a difficult task to master. The feeling that they may be letting someone down, or producing the undesirable effect of making themselves appear unhelpful, can be overwhelming. Learning how to say no without feeling badly as a result can help such people become more in charge of their lives and gain in confidence.

When we are faced with the prospect of saying no our imaginations may produce an infinite number of excuses as to why we shouldn't do so. Many of these excuses can spring from fear and insecurity. We all want others to think well of us, and none of us wants to be seen as being selfish or uncaring.

However, in truth, the reality of the situation often is that saying no doesn't have to mean that we are being unkind or thoughtless. Saying no can sometimes be perfectly reasonable. Not saying no, on the other hand, can leave us feeling overworked or insecure.

To gain the confidence to be able to say no requires that an individual learns to separate important requests for help from those which merely take up their time and which would be better left to another person who holds more responsibility towards the task. If you are used to saying yes all of the time the chances are that you probably take on chores which really belong to other people rather than you.

To be able to feel really fine about saying no also means that you need to respect yourself and your own time. By beginning to see your own time as precious, and by prioritising what is important to you in life you will find that certain requests are easier to turn down than they previously would have been.

If you are really feeling stuck and need to summon up the courage to say no to something then a good trick to run through mentally is to imagine what the worst thing that could happen would be if you did say no. If you said no to baking a cake for a charity cake stall what would happen? Would everyone gasp in horror and hate you for it? Would the whole event collapse without your cake being present on the stand?

The reality of the above scenario would more likely be that someone else would bake an extra cake, or they could manage fine without it anyway this time. Saying no on this occasion wouldn't mean that you couldn't help at another time instead. Nor would it mean that you were being uncharitable. It would just mean that you were not going to take on the requesting task this time.

Another important factor which may help you manage to say no when you want to is to remember that when you show respect for yourself others will respect you in return. They will also appreciate your help when you do give it on other occasions because they will understand that you don't have limitless time and energy available to carry out just any old task that is asked of you. They will know that when you do give of yourself it is heartfelt and earnest.

Learn more about this author, Bridget Webber.
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