by Kelly Rose

Created on: March 28, 2009   Last Updated: March 29, 2009

Many parents have lost children, but when that parent is you, it's as if no one else in the world could know how you feel. You are different now, not normal. You are as contagious as a plague and in spite of the well-meaning words spoken so often, "if there is anything I can do, just call" they are spoken from a distance, so that your poisonous existence can't infect their mocking smiles. From the moment the most horrible phone call in the world is received, you have ceased to be the person that your family and friends have come to know and love. And as their lives continue to go on as they did the day before, you have had to learn quickly how to simply take another breath. And then one more. It is such a laborious task that you just want to give up, but all that is left of you, physically, is forced to repeat the functions that, up until a short time ago, came without a thought or doubt.

Where there once was hope of happiness for your beautiful child, there now is a hole as big as the core of your being. Where there was once a promising future and a treasure chest of things yet to be, there is now a muddy, murky path still to be traveled all alone. Perhaps one day, the possibility of finding your way to a brighter road of understanding will present itself, but more likely you will be lost in this wicked forest, destined to live out the ruined remainder of days, that others casually refer to as "life". The more attempts you make to come to terms with this cruel twist of fate, the angrier you become because the answers you seek are never clear. For all your faith and diligence, your baby is now dead. How very cold and ugly that word "dead" is, now that it pertains to your child. How fair is that when you tried so hard to do right by the person you brought into this world and took on responsibility for? Did you do something wrong? Did you deserve this punishment? God, please! Isn't there any way at all that you could have just one do-over? You would do anything to change the sacrifice you were forced to make. You must be having the worst nightmare of your life, only you know you will never wake up no matter how you try to convince yourself that this just can't be real. And if you are awake, and it is real, you will desire a dreamless sleep that you never wake from. No matter what, you will never be the same again.

People will try to help you, but they will fail because regardless of what they offer you, they do not have the power to resurrect the dead. Surely,

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