by Christopher Della Valle

Created on: March 28, 2009   Last Updated: March 29, 2009

The following is a transcript of my award winning interview with Superman, arguably Earth's mightiest hero, entitled "The S should stand for Seriously?!?"

Interviewer: First off I would like to thank you for taking the time out from your busy schedule in order to sit down and let the world get to know you a little better.

Superman: Ha while you were talking I flew faster than a speeding bullet and I saved a bus full of orphans from crashing into a ravine, and still had time to get us a couple of churros. Here you go by the way.

Interviewer: Mmm it's still warm, well thank you, but this delicious treat will not keep me from asking the tough questions like...

Superman: Hold on a sec, you're married right? What am I saying of course you are, I overheard you and your wife umm "talking" while I was on patrol. Any whodoodle, I turned some coal into diamonds for you, maybe make some earrings out of them or something for your lady.

Interviewer: Please Mr. Superman you cannot bribe me into doing a fluff piece on you. This interview was intended to get the bottom of who Superman really is.

Superman: You can drop the whole mister thing. Call me Superman, Heck you can even call me Sups, Aquaman does. Ok I promise I'll answer every one of your questions. Scout's honor.

Interviewer: Thank you. First off everyone knows that you are from another planet, but no one has asked you if you came here illegally or did you in fact go through the correct channels to obtain a green card?

Superman: Whoa buddy, you really aren't pulling any punches, I haven't been sucker punched like that since Doomsday rabbit punched me. You remember Doomsday don't you? Big scary guy, tried to destroy the entire East Coast, BUT DIDN'T cause this guy was here. [Points at chest] So what if I didn't come here legally my planet blew up, didn't really have a chance to apply for a work visa. But you'd be happy to here that I did apply for citizenship, if you hold on a second I'd be glad to show you my documentation. [WHOOSH!] Here ya go.

Interviewer: Superman, this is a business card that says, "Superman, Don't let the tights fool you." Then underneath that you wrote in crayon, 100% American. Do you expect me to believe that?

Superman: Dude, look, I'm not a citizen, but I've been a little busy. I'm saving the world like every 30 seconds. That's why I made up those business cards. I don't have time to wine and dine the lady, plus the superhero biz doesn't pay to well. I don't have the cash to take the ladies out on fancy

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