by Shirley Love

Created on: March 28, 2009

LOVE WITHOUT REGRETS

The death notice was in the newspaper tonight. The face in the accompanying photo was not a stranger to me, although I had not seen it in decades. His eyes still retained a bit of a devilish gleam and his slight smile conjured up the same mysteries it had when we were young. As I studied the image before me, I could not help but wonder how different my life might have been if we had not taken separate paths when we did.

The first time I saw him I knew he would have a certain hold on my heart, and I knew it would be everlasting. Even if we never spoke, I knew he would always be etched in my memory. The quick beating of my heart assured me of that fact. There was no explanation, no reasoning, for that feeling, but it was real

He saw me watching him as I pretended not to notice his presence, and I noticed that he was pretending not to notice me at the same time. Yes, it was one of those beginnings...pretending indifference, but knowing full well that it would develop into a relationship. Even then, I knew we were destined for remembrances only.

We spent a summer getting to know each other, weighing each other's moods, loving each other; but not really liking each other.

He was too wild for me, and I too reserved for him. He craved excitement and daring; I liked quiet contentment. He lived just for the moment; I planned for the future. It was inevitable that we would part, and I thought my heart would never be the same.

That was so long ago, yet there was a tiny corner of my heart that I had always held in reserve for him. Even after I met and married the man who was destined to be my life's partner, I still thought of him occasionally and always felt a little guilty while doing so.

Now, as I read the notice of his death, I glance over the top of the paper at my dear husband as he sleeps soundly on the couch. His raspy snores add a little comforting music to the room, and I smile at that realization. His balding head seems to shine in the lamplight, and his stomach erupts slightly over his belt. He is not, and never was, the handsome mysterious person that the newly departed was; and I thank God for that!

Unconditional love wells up in my heart for my sleeping knight, and I suddenly realize that my love for him fills every inch of my heart! There may be a small corner of my mind that will always remember my first love, but my heart at this moment belongs to my dear husband...one hundred percent...and I know it always shall.

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