by Cynthia Jones

Created on: March 27, 2009   Last Updated: March 28, 2009

Domestic violence is often based in a series of lies and insecurities, so logic must prevail when facing this challenge. It IS a challenge, and that is the way to approach it.

First, pray. Domestic violence upsets the logic and emotions all at the same time. Prayer is a form of meditation that is commonly understood in most societies. It quickly calms the situation, whether it involves violence at the time, or recalling abuse to a trusted person later on, which is the perfect and only safe time to make the plan for safety. Children should be sent to any place safe from the abuser, if they live in the household together. Important papers should be procured and placed in a 100% safe location somewhere else. Firearms should be hidden or removed from the premises. There are laws governing this, so police should be called and then alerted to the presence of guns. They will take the weapons into safekeeping and the rightful, licensed owner can retrieve them later, unless charged with Domestic Violence.

Second, involve the Domestic Violence department or division of the local police. Alert friends and family, so the abuse cannot be ignored or explained or put in the past. This also takes the secretive aspect of control away from the abuser. Now the attention is so focused that the victim is safely surrounded by witnesses. Go directly to the magistrate's office to sign a warrant. A restraining order can be obtained immediately if there are any marks or witnesses. A police report must be filed for this to take place, so the police must be called. If the victim cannot call, a trusted person must be strong enough to pick up the phone and get some help. This brings the victim under the protection of the Family Court. The abuser can be kept from the residence and the children. When violations occur, a record builds and a pattern of behavior is established. This is a very dangerous time for the victim, who is trying to become a survivor. A security system should be installed and is often available for a major discount if a victim of Domestic Violence is involved. ASK. Inquire about a Project SAFE program through the police department. Talk to experts in abuse who can guide a victim through the stages of escape.

Third, find a lawyer who believes in the victim, and make payment arrangements. Sell furniture, have a yard sale, raise money to pay for legal defense, since this is often the next step for the abuser as well. Being unable to control the victim's world entirely, the abuser will seek other avenues. A competent, caring attorney can change the entire situation by documenting, building a case, and ultimately defending the victim from further abuse.

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