by Carole Ligi

Created on: March 27, 2009

Reasons for the Size of a Family

Being a parent of an only child is a joy, blessing and challenge all rolled up into one package. You are the primary playmate when all of his friends are busy and it is not always easy to maintain running a household, a business and being the main parent for one child. But the rewards far outweigh anything else.

What is interesting are the attitudes from society. It appears that every family is required to have the 2.3 children which is the average. If you have many children or one child the assumption that I have found is that there is something flawed with you as a person or you are flawed in your thinking by not having children.

There are many reasons why parents have the size family that they have. Over the years I have come across interesting comments. My own story is that I have numerous miscarriages while trying to start a family. We were married for four years and I was asked many times by family and strangers what we were waiting for to start a family. We were older when we married and I was told that I was being selfish and would have health problems with the child if I wait too long. This comment was more often made by strangers. I did not believe that I owed anyone an explanation about my own personal problems.

After going to a specialist we found out what the problems were and going through an entire pregnancy not knowing if the baby I was carrying was going to make it was stressful as well. After our beautiful son was born; small but healthy; the comments from family and strangers changed. When strangers asked how many children I had and I replied one, then I was told that I was being self-centered by not giving him a sibling and that he would have trouble adjusting to society as an only child.

The most interesting comment came from a family member who knew the problems that my husband and I had in starting a family. Our son ended up with my lighter coloring and my eyes. She instructed me that I was to produce another boy that had the same coloring and eyes as my husband as he deserved to have a child who looked just like him as well. I simply told her that I would put that on my to-do list and then changed the subject.

Our son is an intelligent, kind, and well-adjusted child. His friends' parents frequently tell me that they love having him over at their house as he is charming and has wonderful manners. So much for the theory of him having trouble adjusting to society.

What I have learned from my experience is that people, even if it is out of misplaced kindness do not know that another person is going through. A couple may have trouble having children at all, may have had miscarriages which was my case, or may choose for their own personal reasons to not have children. Unnecessary comments from people who feel the need to correct the self-perceived flaw in others only hurt. These comments do not change what is going on in others lives. I do not go out and tell my story often, but when I find out that someone is trying to start a family and is having problems, I do let them know my story. It is sometimes therapeutic to talk to someone who has been through similar problems. All children are a true gift and I am blessed having this one wonderful child. If a person feels they have a need to make a comment, stop and ask yourself first, if your comment will make a difference and would you even want to unintentionally hurt another person. I am proud to be the mother of my only child.

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