by A. Jacobina Poulsen

Created on: March 27, 2009

You may not believe this, but I never receive chain emails. Well-meaning friends and family no longer forward these urgent warnings about men with knives lying under cars, waiting to slash my ankles. Nor do they write to me about perfume salesmen who are really going to thrust a chloroform-soaked hankie under my nose and abduct me. My more squeamish friends no longer try to warn me that I shouldn't lick envelopes or spiders will hatch in my mouth. Spiders also like to lurk under toilet seats apparently, awaiting their opportunity to bite you where it really hurts.

Chain letters are evil little missives. Their only purpose is to whip people into a state of panic over ridiculous falsehoods and urban legends. I used to receive dozens of these from co-workers, friends and excitable aunts, until I learned the secret to eradicating chain emails and clearing out room in my inbox for the more important emails about the 500,000 Euros I won in the Czechoslovakian lottery.

So, you may ask, what is this secret? I will share it with you, but be aware there are consequences. I will explain those in due course.

First, let's deal with bad luck/good luck letters. These are the chain letters that must leave your hands/inbox within a stated number of minutes or hours. If you forward that letter to ten of your closest friends, it promises that you will find love, win large sums of money and become rich and famous. If you fail to forward the letter in the alotted time, you will lose your job, get serious acne, and either you or your hamster will die. Maybe both of you.

It seemed to me that the simplest and most straightforward way to respond to this type of letter was to follow the instructions. Therefore, I simply forwarded the chain email back to the sender with this little explanation:

"I don't have ten friends, so I am forwarding this to you nine more times. Thanks, you saved my life".

You don't have to do this more than once in response to any particular friend's email. If you really have more than one friend, don't worry that this makes you a liar. After you have responded in this manner to a few chain emails, you really won't have ten friends anymore.

The Hoax Warning Letter is the second most popular type of chain email. These letters require a little more effort to answer properly, but it's time well-spent as well as being educational. When receiving a chain email cautioning you to use only ketchup from packets in fast food restaurants because a man was found putting HIV positive blood in the ketchup dispenser, do not panic. Research the claim made in the email. A quick search on the internet will reveal that this email is sheer fabrication and a hoax. Next, write back to your friend and explain patiently that it is all a hoax, provide them with proof and caution them about being so gullible.

I have been doing this for years, debunking hoax emails and explaining to my friends that they were being silly. Strangely, no one has ever thanked me.

If you prefer to have a clean inbox (and a clean contacts list), then these tips will go a long way towards insuring that very few people will ever email you again... about anything.

Here are some useful sources for researching email hoaxes:

http://www.breakthechain.org/

http://www.snope s.com/snopes.asp

http://www.hoax-slayer.com/

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