by Linda Schreiber

Created on: March 26, 2009

PICKING UP FAGGOTS: I don't worry about trying to keep up with the Jones'. I don't particularly care if people approve of me our not. I have friends from all walks of life and I enjoy diversity. For instance I go to the thrift stores occasionally and sometimes I even go to gay weddings. I am not concerned about people seeing me pick up faggots either. I pick up faggots. Yes, on a fairly regular basis, I go out looking for them and I usually find them, mostly in parks, around and under trees, and sometimes along river banks.

I have found that the best time to pick up faggots is when I take my dog for a walk. She loves faggots, especially when I throw them in the river. But I take most of the faggots I see home with me even when they appear useless. Most people would not look twice at a faggot and if they did, chances are they would just think, "Trash, just trash." Or "Watch out for them; just go around them and ignore them." They might even think, "Someone should clean up the trash around here."
Because of my Scottish ancestry I consider myself a very thrifty person. I can see a use for almost anything. It is a challenge to me to come up with a way to reuse, recycle or reinvent uses for what most people would ordinarily throw away or consider useless. There is a saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure. Just because some people say something is trash or it is damaged does not mean it is to be shunned or demeaned. Be creative. Find the good in it. You could end up with a whole new creation that evolves from nature's experiments.
Chances are that people who live where there are faggots are glad to get rid of them. They would probably be grateful to me for taking them away, (if they knew I was picking them up.) I don't' make a big thing of it. If I see one, I just pick them up. So what if someone sees me walking home with them? I just act normal like it is the most natural thing in the world to be seen with them.
I'll bet some people I know would secretly love to have some of my faggots. When your fires are out and you need some warmth, any old faggot will do, even the free ones. But some people are too proud to just take them home without paying for them. And they certainly would not want to do it in public where their friends would know they were picking them up and might think they were picking up trash.
You see I have discovered that faggots are useful just the way they are wherever you find them. And they are natural too. I think that using chemical fire starters is unhealthy. Chemical have too many by products and side effects. With faggots, all you need is some paper and the small faggots first, then when the fire gets started you go for the bigger faggots. When they get really hot, you are ready for the big boys, the logs. Anyone can get a fire going that way.
I wish you could see the faggot bundle I am holding in my arms right now. Some are a little big but they are brittle and easy to break down into the perfect size stick, just the right size for my fireplace. I got them from my neighbor's walnut orchard. Now he won't have to pick them up.
So think twice before you pass up a good faggot lying around waiting to get burned. Pick them up and take them home. They are the best fire starters you can find.

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