Classroom Scene I

During my 6:30 class - the so-called "Elite" group composed of 10 smart-asses.

Me: Write five sentences using any of the words from the list. Make a long sentence. For example, don't just write "I miss you" when using the word "miss". Is that understood?

J: Teacher, can I write "I will miss you?"

Me: No! I told you to write a long sentence!

L: How about, "Teacher jumps out of the window. We miss her."

Students: Ahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

Arrgghhhhhhh!

Then later on.

Me: (While checking their homework.) Whose book is this? Page 4's not finished and there's no name on the cover. How many times do I have to tell you guys to write your name on the cover?! And who among you submitted an undone homework?! (I was really getting pissed)

D: (Approached my table and examined the book.) Teacher, it's your book!

Me: (Surprised) Oh, yeah. You're right. It's my book.

Students: Ahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

Me: What? What? What's so funny?

Arrgghhhhhhh!

Classroom Scene II

Yesterday, I noticed the students fall into deathly mutterings whenever I write something on the whiteboard. The Elite class (they are smart-asses for a reason, believe me) are not usually like that : me turning around means the chance to check the celphones; another turn on the Rubik's cube; finish the homework, etcetera.

However, today for no apparent reason at all, they were very animated with their convos. I caught glimpses of the murmurings.

She is not... She is!... Can you see it?... Can't!... Can you?... Gross!... Why don't you ask her?... I don't want to... You do it... Shhh, she's done writing...

*Silence*

Me: Okay, so what is going on here? Sara: Teacher, Diane has a question.

(Because Diane is the youngest, she's always obliged to speak for the whole group, especially if it's one of them really important issues, that has to be discussed with Teacher.)

Me: Yes, Diane?

Diane: Teacher... teacher... you not angry?

Me: Why? What have you done this time?

Diane: Nothing!

Me: So what is the problem?

Diane: Teacher, you wearing white pants.

Me: Of course! It's summer!

Diane: But teacher you no panties!

At this point, I noticed everyone suppressing everything: from laughing to giggling to burfing to farting. Each was hanging on to what I was gonna say next.

Me: What? What did you say Diane?

Diane: You no panty?

Me: Of course I am wearing one but you can't see it because it's a thong!

Diane: What's a thong?

Me: You know, this is so absurd. Do you have any better questions Diane?

Diane: Teacher you sure you wear panty?

Me: (Already plotting a glamorous way of getting rid of this arrogant elf) Of course, I am! You want to see them?

Class: (Shrieking at the same time) Nooooooooooooo! Please, please teacher nooooo! She's so gross! Teacher's bad! Bad teacher!

Me: That's it! Diane, you stay after the class! I'm going to call your mom!

Diane: (Giving me her sweetest devil-ish grin) Teacher, you like chocolate? I give you Hersheys!

Of course, teacher was pacified and ate all Diane's Hersheys. Class was dismissed with them still wondering what a thong is. Poor little kids. I'm going to bring my green one to show them this Monday. Yay!

Learn more about this author, June Navida.
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