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it was a date in disguise) but I start hearing things that I haven't heard from my boyfriend in a long time; like how nice I looked, how good I smelled. It made feel things that I haven't felt before. Then he took my hand and held it. I've been with my boyfriend for five years we stopped holding hands after year two and a half.

Well moving on, I loved being with this guy but I knew it wasn't something that could be serious and that what we were doing was dangerous. I would go over to his house once his girlfriend would leave (which was a dangerous thing. What would have happened if she forgot something and had to turn back) and have sex with him and then leave. We are in Baltimore. Baltimore is a small town. I felt like it's almost impossible to have a relationship on the side without the fear of running in to someone who knows your boyfriend or girlfriend. Well I and the other guy kept this going for a while. It's so weird and so hard to explain or understand why after being with him I felt better about being with my boyfriend. Being with the other guy was almost like a drug. I was almost hooked but after talking to a few of my friends and family members, I was told not to be come an Angelina (Jolie) go breaking up homes. Then it hit me. That's what I am a home wrecker without getting to wrecking point. The other guy has told me numerous times how much he loved me and he thinks us running in to each other after eight years was a sign. I started to panic. That's when I realized it's not him I want to be with that in fact it is my boyfriend. I can't be with someone that I have to constantly hide or if he breaks up with his family I've been brought in to an instant family. Yes he has 3 children.

I have come back to my senses. But my relationship is still not working. I am now told what I don't do and what I can't do that it's not in me. Meanwhile I'm thinking way back in my mind that "you have no idea. If you only knew the things I've done with this other guy it would probably blow your mind." The relationship is done, over, kaput but I am still sticking it out. Now I have to share my time (the little bit I have with him) with is old high school buddies and a "new female friend". They are only friends he says. So what do I do? I go running back to the other guy so I feel like I too have some type of leverage and I don't feel like a fool if something he does accidentally slips out.
His relationship with his new female friend was a strange one. She called him

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