by Cynserity Stevens

Created on: March 26, 2009

This is easier said than done and I am speaking as both a victim and a hypocrite when I write this.

The first time they threaten you either verbally or physically, is when to call it quits. The first time their words make you feel worthless, break your heart, or cause you to question your own beliefs is when it call it quits. The first time they physically strike you is when to call it quits. The first time you feel any sort of fear at the thought of their reaction is definitely the time to call it quits.

Abuse is more than just broken bones, black eyes, and bruises. Not all the signs of abuse are physical. There are so many different classifications of abuse that sometimes a person doesn't even realize they are in an abusive relationship. It is important that everyone educates themselves on the various types of abuse that can take place during a relationship so that they can call it quits sooner rather than later.

The most common types of abuse are as follows:

Physical Abuse - Being slapped, pushed, hit, kicked, bit, or any other act that causes physical harm or trauma to the body.

Emotional Abuse - Being called names, being put down and insulted. Being told no one else wants you, or that you are incapable of being without the person you are with.

Sexual Abuse - Being forced to perform any type of sexual contact, or being sexually violated.

Threats - Any phrase that starts with the phrase "If you..." and ends with "I'll kill/hurt/shoot/etc. you!"

Intimidation - Violent gestures like pounding ones fist into their open palm, looks, such as scowls and teeth barring, or throwing or smashing objects.

Isolation - Being forbidden from going out or talking to other people.

Economic - Being forbidden from having a job or producing your own income.

It is also important to state that not only women can be victims of abuse. Men are just as likely as women to fall victim to an abusive partner. Unfortunately their pride sometimes stops them from seeking help. But the one thing that is a clear truth in any type of abusive relationship perpetuated by any gender is that once an abuser starts, they never stop. The abuse only gets worse. It only gets harder for the victim to leave.

Abusers are terriffic at acting. Just keep telling yourself that no matter how many tears they cry, they are NOT sorry. They most certainly WILL do it again. And no amount of promises will make them change who they are.

A lot of times the victims make excuses for the abusers actions or even blames themselves for the abuse because they have found themselves in a situation where the fear of leaving is worse than the fear of staying.

There are places out there that offer help to victims of abuse. You can find them in the phone book, through local churches, even some police departments. Gather your resources, take any help from any source that offers it and get out before the next time your partner takes their bad day out on you.

I spent seven years with a man who spent considerable time in prison for domestic violence on three difference occasions. I lived through every type of abuse I mention in this article. The best thing I ever did for myself and the three children I had with him was leave him. It isn't easy, but I swear to you, the sooner you get out the better off you will be and the easier it will be to pick up the pieces of your life and move forward.

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