by Bryon Mondok

Created on: March 25, 2009   Last Updated: April 09, 2009

Tough economic times are forcing impromptu family reunions. Young people graduate into a job market with little hope of employment that meets expectations let alone monthly expenses. Looming student loans added to the high cost of first and last month's rent plus security required for most rental move-ins make mom and dad's house look like a pretty good deal.

Qualifying for a mortgage is only for the elite. Real estate bargains abound, but entry-level home prices still soar out of reach for those earning entry level wages. Pay raises have not kept pace with home prices.

With the economy the way it is, it sounds like a hopeless situation, but this can be a way to reconnect and make up for lost time.

Our own nest didn't stay empty for long after my kids flew the coop. We adopted a handicapped child. And now that my twenty-something son has moved back home, he babysits his new little sister. It has lightened our load. We feel like our parents "paid-it-forward" when they welcomed us home and we're happy to do the same for our son.

On the other hand, there is our daughter. While my son is our compliant child, she's always lived by her own rules (which are few). If she moved back home (I can't imagine her
suggesting such a thing), there would be rules. She's messy, lacks organization and resists any kind of real world advice or suggestions. She learns things the hard way no matter what the cost to those around her. If she moves in, there would have to be pre-negotiated rules and pre-agreed upon goals and exit plan.

Discuss the time frame allowed to help your kids get back on their feet. There's an entrance date. Is there an way out? An exit plan? What kind of help can you offer to help your adult child get on her feet?

One thing that many people never learn to do is budget. This is the perfect opportunity for your young adult to learn.

Should your new "roommate" pay rent? People that live outside your home (we'll refer to this as "the real world") must, so why not? At least make junior cover the increase in utilities used and groceries consumed. If you're feeling especially benevolent, rent money your new tenant pays can be stashed secretly and then used to help your adult child re-enter the real world. But it will also be useful to help him practice the discipline of saving on his own.

Who does the laundry? Mom? I don't think so. Mom and dad, the parents of adult offspring, are different people than mom and dad, the parents of children. Grown-ups do their own laundry in the real world or they wear dirty clothes. In fact, around our house, teenagers washed their own clothes or wore dirty clothes.

A return to chores and chipping in is healthy. This is not an unusual arrangement, historically. Families have stayed living close together and sons have done much of the heavy lifting around the house. An extended economic downturn just may be the thing to strengthen family.

More grown-ups in your home can put a strain on you and your spouse so you must be proactive to keep your marriage healthy. Go on dates. Maybe use the additional rent money you're collecting to treat your sweetheart.

Use this time to invest in your family. Turn tough times into an opportunity to improve your relationships. Transition is a constant part of living life as an adult. Life is never static, it's always in flux. Make sure the young adults with less life experience than you realize that before they move in. Hopefully, this arrangement is in flux, too.

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