by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: March 25, 2009

The art of forgiveness is one of the most important lessons that a person can learn. Studies show that people who hold onto their anger are far more susceptible to many serious, and even life-threatening, ailments and diseases. When a person is able to forgive, they are saving themselves exponentially more than they are saving the other person. It is important to learn to forgive, even that which seems to unforgivable.

Keep in mind that to forgive does not mean that you forget the offense. It also doesn't mean that you should place yourself in the position to be hurt again by the same person. It simply means that you refuse to punish yourself by harboring anger against another person. When we do this, the other person does not usually suffer at all anyways, so it is really quite pointless. If they are the sort of person to do something so painful and offensive, their moral aptitude for sorrow over the act may be quite questionable.

There are things that happen on a daily basis in each of our lives that will require us to forgive someone for something. These are relatively easy to deal with as they are just things that happen in life. But, there are other things that require a dedicated decision to forgive so that they don't overcome you and harm you further. What about the infidelity of a spouse? This can certainly seem impossible to forgive, but it's not. Even this most devastating of violations can be forgiven if you want to do that.

After deciding to forgive, whether you opt to remove the person from your life or try to salvage the relationship, you must commit to not allowing yourself to continuously dwell on the action that hurt you. This only makes it worse. The pain will grow each time you relive the event in your mind and this is harmful to your physical, mental, and emotional state. When the memory comes, do whatever you can to distract your mind. Maybe you can involve yourself in a hobby, a good book, or a strenuous workout.

Eventually, the pain will lessen and your memories of the hurt will become faded and less frequent. The initial time is always the worst, but in order to forgive you will need to get through it without allowing it to consume you. Forgiveness is the gift that you give yourself. It takes the power to hurt out of the hands of another person and places the power to heal into yours. That is where it belongs.

Learn more about this author, Victoria Tiegert.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.