by Krystle Hernandez

Created on: March 24, 2009   Last Updated: April 26, 2009

"It was a mistake." These are four simple words that countless individuals in relationships have heard before when the partners they trusted, cared for, and loved admit to having an affair. Unfortunately, no matter how much an adulterous individual may want to believe that his or her indiscretions were a mere lapse of judgment, no affair is ever "just a mistake."

Indiscretion vs. Affair

First and foremost, I think it is crucial to understand the difference between a one-time indiscretion and an affair. There are vast differences between these two forms of cheating. While an indiscretion occurs only once, and sometimes does not even involve sexual intercourse, an affair frequently long lasting and comprised of multiple encounters between an individual and his or her "lover."

For many individuals a one-time lapse of judgment (caused by alcohol, mind-altering substances, or particularly stressful and/or traumatic situations) may result in a bona fide "mistake" when it comes to cheating on their partners. However, even in these extraordinary circumstances, this "mistake" is often an indication that the individual has larger problems than he or she must deal with. Whether it be an issue with substance abuse or impulse control, even one-time indiscretions are not "just a mistake." Individuals in a relationship who find themselves in this situation may have a greater chance of reconciling with their partners, but even if they are fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to try, they should be prepared to face a great deal of work. Not only will they have to look within themselves in an effort to overcome personal problems, they will also have to remain committed and determined to earn their partner's trust once again.

An affair, however, is NEVER just a "mistake." Multiple indiscretions (whether they be with the same person or different partners) essentially add up to signal an individual's blatant lack of respect for his or her primary partner. If an individual feels that his/her relationship is on a downward spiral and wants to explore his/her options, then he or she should discuss these feelings with his or her partner. Going being your partner's back and betraying their trust (particularly on multiple occasions) is a deliberate choice that an individual makes. More often than not, individuals lie in order to continue an affair because they simply do not have the decency, consideration, or the respect for their partners to be honest and break off the relationship

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