by Rebecca Mikulin

Created on: March 24, 2009

Humans are very social creatures - even the most solitary of us generally wish for some quality companionship. The majority of people seek out some form of social interaction, whether it be mass socialization such as in a club or more one-on-one like game nights with friends or casual dates. Unfortunately, along with these social habits also come disagreements, and these disagreements can often turn into all-out arguments.

Arguments can take shape in several different ways. Sometimes it's just a quiet reprimand from someone who feels wronged that results in a quick verbal exchange, sometimes it's a passive-aggressive ordeal where one or the other party non-verbally expresses their displeasure with the other. The ones that really stick in the memory are the ones that turn into a verbal (which can sometimes accellerate to physical) battle where both sides must face off and hash it out. These out-and-out verbal assaults can be very damaging, or they can be very constructive, it all depends on how you go about dealing with the situation. The most distressing of these fights are the ones that take place with your spouse or significant other. Presumably, you love this other person very much and don't want to fight. While you can't always keep from arguing, there are a few things you can do to keep those arguments from turning into an all-out fight.

Basics of Conduct

First, you can not expect the other party to govern themselves well. I don't care if the person is older, more responsible, or has a special authority over you, that does not mean that they will conduct themselves well in an argument. The only person in this situation that you can control is yourself, therefore it is up to you to do everything you can to keep the argument within constructive boundaries.

Avoid Acceleration - A therapist of mine once told me that if one person retains a level head throughout an argument, the other will lose steam very quickly. You know what? He was absolutely right. I've noticed in arguments with my significant other that if he raises his voice, I am immediately tempted to raise my own voice. Often, this is an attempt to make myself heard. The same happens when I inadvertently raise my voice first. All this really does is encourage a scream fest that will upset kids, animals, and concerned neighbors and do absolutely nothing to further your point or make the other person listen. Chances are, the other person in the argument is looking for points to challenge you on and so is

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